Weeks four and five mean midterm chaos, and I don’t even want to talk about week eight. Spring quarter on the other hand brings both midterms and cooler season. Among all the fun things that happen during spring quarter, formal seems to be the most looked forward to. Whether its your sorority’s formal or a fraternity’s, the hardest part is always finding someone to go with. But, the second you get invited to one (OR MORE) formals you realize it’s smooth sailing. However, you then have to spend the weekend with someone you might not know that well, in a place you’ve never been, bring a cooler that is perfect, and pray to the cooler gods that it will never chip. Oh, and did I mention you have to fill this contraption with adult beverages for both you AND your date. After a cooler you come to realize there is a very specific timeline of emotions. For those still unaware of these hectic few weeks, here you go:
1. “OMG **insert frat star name** asked me to formal! Its going to be AWE-someeeee!” You proceed to spend the next two days talking to every girl you know to see which of your friends are going and try and get the ones who aren’t dates.
2. “Oh, wait they actually do the whole cooler painting at this school? I though it was a “Southern thing” (with full on air quotes to get your point across). You proceed to find that there are whole pinterest boards and Facebook pages dedicated to coolers. You then proceed to fill a pinterest board full of ideas for your very own cooler (probably without realizing that all these coolers were definitely painted by art majors and you, a business major, do not have their same skill set).
3. Once you have meticulously planned out your cooler or maybe just said “F*** it” its time to actually buy this cooler. You take a crew of other cooler artists with you and mob to Target. Props to Target, you think as you stare at the 20 different cooler options. Audible frustration can also be heard here: “Why are there so many types of coolers?” “Is this one too small?” “Wait can you even paint if there the wheels on the cooler?”
4. You finally find the one. You look at your list to see that you apparently need sandpaper and spackle. You think, do they even use this stuff on housese?! True cooler masters know the importance of spackle (and soon you will too). You buy one can of white primer thinking its enough, but sadly it never seems to be.
5. Get ready ladies, you may have felt like you’ve bought everything you’d ever need but your only half way there. Your caravan moves on to Michael’s, where among the aisles of paints you realize, 1) you don’t know a single color that you actually need and 2) you have no idea what the difference is between all of these different types of paint because again, you’re not an artist. This is where your frustration begins.
6. You’re now ready to paint your cooler… Just kidding you’re going to now spend at least a day sanding the S*** out of that cooler, after which you will then attempt to perfectly put spackle on it, get frustrated, and end up using your fingers instead.
7. Now you’re actually ready to paint. As you elaborately try to paint you and your date riding an elephant off into the sunset you realize that the magical cooler you planned looks like a 5 year olds art project.
8. With every paint pen explosion, smudge, chip, and failed painting skill you’re driven into a state of rage. Though you thought you and your friends were going to paint coolers, sip wine, and relax, the room looks like a mob of wild humans uttering sounds of dis-satisfaction attacked and a paint supply store exploded all over the room.
9. You have 2 sides done, you feel like you’ve finally gotten into the groove of this whole cooler thing…and then you realize formal is 4 days away and you actually have NOTHING done. Oh and don’t forget its week six. You have two midterms to study for, a paper due, and homework. All Zen has now left your being, but you push through.
10. Its Friday morning, you have paint all over your body. Your fingers are still sticky from the sealant, but your cooler’s done and hopefully dope. Now you get to jam out on your way to formal and experience the uniqueness that is a fraternity formal. Just pray that it makes it through the weekend without chipping.
After all the stress, your cooler is pretty awesome. You heard it called “dope,” and were asked “You painted this!?” And if your inner artist didn’t come through maybe someone will say, “Hey, all that matters is that you tried.” By the time you get home you’ve completely forgotten about the cooler and are still mesmerized from the world of formal-ing and all it encompasses.