What do you do when the guy you like has a girlfriend? Nothing. That should be your first answer. You’re not a homewrecker. You’re not that girl that breaks up another couple’s relationship just so you can have a chance at trying something out with a guy. Sure, maybe he’s really cute and maybe you guys get along really well and maybe some secret small part of you thinks you might make a better match than his girlfriend, but in the end that all shouldn’t matter because their relationship is not something for you to meddle in, something to disregard.
Let me give you a some context.
I was at this house party one weekend with all my friends. We were at one of our friends’ house which is the usual spot for fun and games. Everyone was there having a good time the music was jamming, and then I noticed my crush. It seems funny to call him a crush really, since he is just one of the guys in the friend group, but when I first met him I thought he was ridiculously cute and someone that I would totally make a move on if the opportunity arose. After learning more about him and becoming more familiar with the group, I then knew that not only is he in fact a very welcoming and warm type of guy, but he actually has a girlfriend. As soon as I learned he was attached I promised myself I wouldn’t make any moves. I tried to see it through everybody else’s eyes: they were a really cute couple and I’m sure they totally deserve each other. It was a bummer initially because everyone’s a little petty when it comes that one crush they can’t really flirt with, but like I mentioned above, I’m no homewrecker. I was not about to push my way in somewhere that I was not invited.
So that party past like the ones before it, except this time I got to have a one-on-one with the guy (lets call him A). I didn’t try to send any messages this time, knowing what I did about his girlfriend; I just wanted to get to know him more. I learned about A’s hobbies and his family, what he wants to do after graduation and how he really likes the place where he’s living. I shared a lot of myself with him too and it seems like we were hitting it off, and that we could actually be good friends going forward.
The party came to a close and I headed home. On my way back to the neighborhood my phone buzzed and I looked down to see who would be texting me this late at night. I figured it might have been one of my girlfriends who wanted to check if I made it home okay or maybe my sister telling me about new job, but it was A. He texted me and thanked me for coming to hang out, and he was glad we had a chance to chit-chat. I told him the same, and that I was happy I gotten the chance to get to know more about him. After a few more niceities the conversation began to veer towards the direction of flirting (on his part, not mine). In the end he told me that although he knew it was bad, he wanted to see more of me, and he couldn’t stop thinking about how he couldn’t have me.
Now hear me out. Maybe you’re thinking he’s kind of skeezy; why would a guy who has a girlfriend start hitting on some other girl? If you thought that, you work quicker than me. Initially I thought it was flattering. I thought, “Okay, wow! I wasn’t sure if he actually liked me but now that I know that he does: holy crap!”
I left the conversation like that and fell asleep. The next morning I reconsidered what it meant and came to the conclusion that not only was it skeezy of him, but it was downright mean to me! What does he think I am, if not just some girl he thinks he can have on the side? If it ever came to it, would he actually leave his girlfriend for me? Or would I just be something dangerous, or exciting that he didn’t have to commit to? I realize the way that he thought of me was not how I wanted to be thought of. Sure, being the other woman could be fun for maybe an hour, until somebody’s feelings really got hurt. I realized he’s actually a jerk- not only to me, but to his girlfriend. Did I now have a responsibility to tell her what had happened? Would she want to know that her boyfriend was hitting on other girls, or would she be better off not knowing?
In the end, I didn’t do anything about it. I gave him a pass and I chalked his actions up to alcohol. Maybe I should have told him to think of his relationship, or that I wasn’t interested, but in the end I decided that I would only say something if he did it again. If that happened, I’d show him how I really felt!