You walked into my life and damn, you made a mark. At first, you were just a friend that I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. We had similar tastes, interests and values. You were there when I needed help with homework and stuck by me through mental breakdowns, moments of weakness and even heartbreak – from others, and from you.
I’ve never met anybody like you. You’re genuine, smart, caring and, well, you’re able to handle me, which I applaud you for. You’re there for me and that’s what made me put all my trust in you. I’m able to open up to you knowing you won’t judge me or spill to anyone. You give me advice and support me. You hold my hand when I need someone to keep me up. You believe in me.
When I began falling for you, I was good at ignoring the feelings at first for the sake of our friendship. But, our friendship kept getting stronger by the day and so did my feelings. I knew that what I was feeling was forbidden. I knew that acting on those feelings was not an option. I was falling for my best friend – somebody I couldn’t have in that romantic way. I didn’t want to risk losing a friend or making the situation weird. The last thing I ever wanted was for us to lose the relationship we had because that was more important to me than anything else in the world.
But, the time finally came – I had to be honest with you for my own sanity. Once I told you how I felt and you said you didn’t feel the same, my heart shattered. It hurt, a lot. I was prepared for that, but it still stung. I convinced myself I could get past the heartache. I figured that having you in my life as my friend was better than not having you at all. I thought I could just push my feelings aside and pretend to be okay, no matter how hard it was going to be.
To be honest, it was rough. It still is rough at times.
I’m not going to lie. It’s hard hanging out like we always used to with you knowing how I feel about you, along with everything that’s happened between us. It’s difficult acting like I’m 100 percent okay, like I’m over you and like having a close relationship doesn’t bother me. But, I’m happy to keep pretending that it’s all okay to keep things the same.
If you were to ask me now where I think we stand, I would say we’re not friends anymore. We’re more than friends. We are way past just friends and you know it. We aren’t together, though, and I am completely fine with that, I really am. I definitely know that I care about you a whole freaking lot, and I hope you feel the same.
People probably call me crazy for staying this close to you. But, I don’t care. You’re my best friend and that tops everything. We need each other in our lives to keep things interesting. I normally don’t make promises, but I will make one promise to you: You’re my best friend and, as such, I will always be there for you. I will continue to support you, help you, comfort you and be there when you need me for whatever reason, even if another girl breaks your heart. I’ll be there for you. Why would anybody dare to hurt you? How could anybody hurt you? I’m hoping you’ll be there for me too, for whatever I need. That’s the way things are meant to be.
Who knows, maybe one day it’ll happen. Maybe one day, after toning down this whirlwind of emotions and getting past this awful timing, the universe will bring us together. Maybe one day, you’ll feel for me like I feel for you, and when that day comes, we’ll take it as it goes. I’m in no rush to get to that point. I’m not hoping or wishing for it to happen. I don’t need that to happen. I just need you.
I’ll miss you like crazy over the summer or anytime we’re apart, really. It’s going to suck. But, I’m also so excited to start a new adventure with you when we return from our summer break.
Your best friend