The world of online dating can be a very dark, strange place. We hear about the success stories, especially in advertisements, but we could all benefit from some tales of caution. The following stories are from Drexel students who have braved dating apps like Tinder and Bumble in the hopes of landing a successful date. Sadly, these stories didn’t end well but at least they lived to tell the tale and make us laugh.
1. Elevator interrogation
“I met this guy through Bumble and we had some common connections so I wasn’t worried about him being crazy (yes, this is foreshadowing). We met up for coffee, and he immediately started shaming me for suggesting Starbucks. He asked if I was going to get a dairy free, sugar free pumpkin spice latte (I WISH that existed) and then he ordered a black coffee and walked away to wait for his order. Fine. I had to pay for my own coffee, I’m not mad about that.
Then he asked if I wanted to go for a walk, which I thought sounded good, until we showed up at a parking garage. He took me to the rooftop, which ended up being a green space with a really cool view, but on the 13-floor elevator ride he starting grilling me again. ‘You said you were out of town today? Where’d you go? Oh, Camden? Why? A doctors appointment for what?’ Suddenly the elevator seemed really confined.
Once we got on the rooftop, I started taking in the beautiful view and taking pictures of the skyline and he started complaining that I wasn’t looking him in the eye. After the most awkward kiss of my life, I told him I had to go study and we should probably head our separate ways. On the way down, we took the stairs. No way I was getting back in that elevator with him. He told me that I was confusing, and that he couldn’t read me. I like wine and Grey’s Anatomy… not hard to read! Long story short, I went back to my apartment, he went back to his, and his texts remained unanswered.”
2. Team bonding
“I was in my hometown, and I was talking to this guy on Tinder and we decided to meet up, and when we did he realized who I was and that I used to date one of his close friends he played hockey with.”
3. Tilted paintings & toothbrushes
“This guy came over to my apartment to watch a documentary, came in and told me that my roommates and I were hanging a painting crookedly on the wall and to let him do it, but he brought over a case of beer so I wasn’t completely deterred yet.
After we started the movie, he promptly asked if I had an extra toothbrush he could borrow, a pair of shorts he could change in to, and if he could stay over. I was completely shocked and tried to just laugh it off. After a couple episodes of Bobs Burgers I heard a noise come from him … a snore. He was asleep in my bed. I had my friend call me and feign a work emergency. He asked if he could just stay there while I dealt with the situation. WHAT? No! I kicked him out of my apartment, apologized quickly, and ran aimlessly down the street in the other direction.”
4. Pedophilia
“Once upon a time I had the world’s biggest crush on my little brother’s camp counselor – we’re talking the hair-flipping-Beauty-Rush-lip-gloss-applying-obsessively-texting kind of crush. I was 12. He was 17 and friends with my very protective older cousins. Fast forward eight years later … I see him on Tinder and my 12-year-old self is internally screaming. I held my breath as I swiped right and we matched. After some catching up and relentless teasing about my infatuation with him when I was a kid, he asked me to dinner.
We saw a movie, got sushi, talked, laughed and really hit it off all night. He paid for everything and the conversation never dulled. He drove me home and said goodnight with an amazing kiss. Needless to say I was on cloud nine. We talked for a few weeks longer, but he didn’t ask me on another date. When I took the initiative and asked him, he responded, ‘This is too weird. Your cousin is my best friend and I still feel like you’re a little girl.’ Ouch. Never one to admit defeat, I quipped back, ‘I guess you enjoy sticking your tongue down little girls’ throats.’ We haven’t talked since.”
5. Who’s your mommy?
“Ok: be me. Drunk. Swipe right for everything. Get matched with someone I don’t want to get matched with so I offer a movie date that my mom will pick us up and take us to. She agrees. Gives me her address. Adds me on Snapchat. Add on Snapchat. Sends nudes and pics of her with her child. It was weird.”
6. Vine stars
“My friends forced me into going on Tinder when I was fresh out of a relationship. I was reluctant at first, but then the matches started rolling in. I started talking to this really attractive guy who also seemed very sweet. We started to talk about setting up a date, but before I responded with my availabilities I coincidentally saw a tweet with a bunch of photos that looked really familiar. Basically, the guy stole some Vine star named Steven Kelly’s photos and created a fake profile. I don’t have Vine so I had no clue who he was. I deleted my Tinder for a while after that.”
7. Do you like drugs?
“I matched with this guy who lived in my apartment building. I had seen him around but I never worked up the courage to talk to him. I showed my friend his profile and she told me that he was the guy who sells her Adderall. I later found out he sold a multitude of other drugs and that he and his roommates had their apartment broken into and were held at gunpoint by other Philly drug dealers a few months back. Needless to say I unmatched him.”
8. Send nudes
“I finally got my first match on Tinder and it turned out to be some chick who just wanted me to pay her for nudes.”
9. Sharing is caring
“My roommate and I would often go on Tinder and laugh at people and the things they messaged us. It was all fun and games until she came across this guy I had been seeing for several months. We thought it would be funny for her to swipe right and see what happened. They matched and I was pissed. He later asked if I would have a threesome.”
10. Fantasies & football
“I matched with this guy and when I was looking over his profile I saw all of these professional-looking pictures of him wearing Eagles jerseys and playing football. I searched his name on Google and realized he actually was on the NFL team. I thought I was being catfished, but his verified Instagram account started following me and liked all my pictures (my Instagram is linked to my Tinder). Talk about a touchdown.”
11. Just short of perfect
“While abroad my friends all used Tinder to meet locals. This one man, Alberto, really wanted to meet up and he kept asking me so I finally agreed to go out for some wine. He only spoke Spanish so I knew it would be difficult to communicate, but from his pictures he looked really cute – dark hair, blue eyes, Spanish, played fútbol. … We decided to meet in front of a store and as I approached I prayed the man standing there wasn’t him. Of course it was. I’m 5’3” and was in heels. I think he had to have been 4’9”. Always ask for height.”
12. Failed experiments
“I was using Tinder to experiment with girls, but I was struggling to get matches and messages. I got really bad advice from a friend who said that it was because I didn’t give off a ‘lesbian vibe’ so I needed to play on my lack of experience. She said that people apparently like to be your first. I finally matched with a girl and told her I was new to this. She thought that was cute, told me she could ‘show me a few things,’ and asked to add me on Snapchat. My Snapchat started overflowing with nudes … guess she wasn’t kidding about showing me things.”
Be safe out there, collegiettes! You might be one right swipe away from a total disaster. Do you have any funny or scary online dating stories? Let us know in the comments for a chance to be featured in the next installment of this series.
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