Disclaimer: I am a heterosexual cis woman- my experiences and how I write may be isolating for some but I would only want to write about what I know and not assume for other types of relationships. Her Campus is open for all voices on campus, so if you have questions or comments, please share!
Someone asked: “I’m hooking up with this guy and he never wants to go down on me and I give him blow-jobs, is that normal, or should I be expecting more?”
The prospect of ‘head’ has always been an interesting one. People, for the most part, love getting it (when done right) or they are quick to tell their partner to come back up to do something else. Having a reputation of giving good head is validating and can lead to more partners but there is also this power that comes with it. Giving head seems very one-sided. In my experience, it is expected that I will go down on a guy but he may not be open to going down on me- perhaps I just need better partners!
Being able to hook up without giving head is powerful. You have the power, you choose what happens in bed and if you even want to go for round two with someone. If your partner refuses to give you head, chances are, they aren’t as into you as a sexual partner – so unless you are just in it for an one-and-done deal, prepare to hit the breaks. Perhaps that shouldn’t be such a problem but then ask all the women who haven’t orgasmed. More men can orgasm through receiving head than women can and can definitely cum more during vaginal sex. Let’s be frank, do not be afraid to ask for head first. It takes us longer to orgasm so yes, our bodies do need to have a little more time spent on them. Take control- if the head is not good and they do not listen to instructions, you do not have to reciprocate.
So as women, shouldn’t we be more demanding of our own pleasure? Many of us cannot reach the big O in 15 minutes and many of our partners simply give up or don’t try to learn more techniques to please us in bed. In heterosexual relationships, there are some men who find the vagina disgusting, all the time, and therefore refuse to go down on women. I’ve noticed it really depends on how mature they are.A guy who believes that the vagina is inherently “dirty”, is basically stuck at a time where all girls had “cooties”. Ditch them. You’re probably not going to have a great experience with them anyway.
But for those guys who put the effort, regardless of relationship status, being at ease to have a conversation is key. Communication – as scary as it is, and probably as much as the other C word… Commitment – can be a useful tool used in all relationships, especially sexual ones. Once both partners feel comfortable enough to express their desires, there are a lot more positive results. Now, it is probably hard to accept this mild and brief stance, but you don’t have to search much further than your own friends. Start conversations about head and ask how many of them receive good head and if they are women, ask how often they give rather than receive. Maybe you might be surprised by the answer… maybe not. Let’s talk.
-Anonymous