I am not going to pretend that I know everything about relationships, because I don’t. However, if I have learned one thing it’s that you should feel good more often than not when in one. Your significant other should not make you cry more than you laugh. They should not make you question yourself more than boost your confidence. They should not make you feel unworthy more than worthy.
I am a firm believer that a relationship should make you feel good. About yourself, about your outlook on life, about your significant other. I’m not saying that a relationship should be all sunshine and rainbows. But if the bad outweighs the good? If you cry yourself to sleep more often than not? I think that that is a problem. You should not have to constantly question yourself because of your partner. There is no reason that they are the number one reason why you feel like you aren’t enough or like you’re unworthy.
It should be the opposite. Your significant other should make you feel like you are on top of the world. They should make you feel loved and safe and worthy and happy. They should help with your self- assurance. They should support you. They should make you feel beautiful and happy. They should listen to the sound of your laughter more than they wipe tears from your face.
When the bad outweighs the good, then it may be time to reevaluate. You may need to readjust your perception of your significant other and your companionship. I know that you love them, but do they love you? One thing I learned in my past relationship was that just because you love them does not mean that they love you back. Just because they say that they adore you does not mean that they do. Do they show it? Do you feel it? Words sometimes mean nothing without action. It is so hard to accept that someone does not love you back. It hurts. But it comes to a point where you have to question their feelings and intentions. Are they just there for sex? Are they staying because you give them whatever they want? Is the relationship just a game to them?
Staying in a relationship that does not help you grow as a person, a relationship where you constantly feel bad about yourself, is toxic. You will lose parts of yourself to that person and sometimes you cannot get them back. It will make you question yourself and your worth. And no person should have that power over you. It does not matter if they are your mom, your sister, or your significant other. If they make you feel less (less of a person, less of yourself), then you need to reevaluate your interactions and connection with them. Whether it be ending the relationship or readjusting the dynamics of said relationship.
Love can cloud your sight and mess with your judgment. If your gut is telling you that something is wrong or off, then follow it. Listen to what it is telling you because nine times out of ten it’s right. I stayed in a bad relationship for years because I was enamored by him. My gut was telling me that he was being insincere and that he was cheating, and it was right. I just had to find the courage to realize that he did feel the same adoration for me, and we needed to part ways. It was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. The tenderness I felt for him is long gone and I can see how toxic the relationship was. He made me cry more than he made me laugh.
I regret staying in that relationship as long as I did, but it made me learn things about myself and relationships in general. I hated that he made me cry so often and yet I didn’t do anything about it. I stayed and I kept crying. I cried and I cried. Why? Because I loved him, and I thought he loved me back. I realized that if he really, truly loved me, he would not have made me feel as horrible as I did. There comes a time where you have to love yourself more than you want to be with that person. Yes, you love your partner. But ask, do they love you back?
Significant relationships come with highs and lows. There will be hard times mixed in with all of the good you should feel. But your stomach should hurt from all the laughter as opposed to your heart hurting from your partner’s words or actions. They should make you feel as if you are not enough for this world because you are. When you are enamored by another person, there should not be so much hurt. Hurt caused by your partner should be a fleeting feeling, not an everlasting emotion that keeps you up at night. I was done wiping tears from my face after two years. I was done losing sleep over thinking of him with other women. When I finally realized that he hardly ever assured me, ever made me feel the love that he had for, I had to say I was done.