Trigger Warning: Death and Mourning
It all started on a cold Monday night in November as I was studying with a friend at the library. It was a normal college day with a lot of stress since I had a paper due the next day. I got a text from my boyfriend saying he had terrible news. I ended up walking away from my table to call him. Among the horrible phone quality and the tears, I heard the news that his mom passed away.
I was in shock, and I started crying too. This amazing woman that I got to know in the past 10 months was suddenly gone. I walked back to my table, continuing to cry. I was standing there, phone in hand, with no idea what to do. I decided to gather all of my things and go back to my dorm. This was the beginning of the worst week I have ever had, and this is what I learned as I went through it.
#1: Talk to someone. Immediately after I learned the news, I walked back to my friend, and I told her. I proceeded to tell my entire family, my RA and my roommate while in tears. Simply telling people made me feel so much better. I was able to get some advice and reassurance that everything was going to be okay. Plus, on that day, I realized how many people I had in my life who were there to support me. If your loved ones aren’t really making you feel better, then reach out to a counselor, and I’m sure they will help you with all the things that you are dealing with.
#2: If you need to, skip a class. Tuesday morning was not a great morning. I walked into my 8am, and I was already done with the day. I proceeded to email the professor of my next class that I wasn’t going to be able to make it because my emotions were everywhere. I realized that caring for my mental health was far superior to going to class. Plus, I wanted to be fully invested in class discussion, and I didn’t want to be a burden to my professor. But I was nervous because I never thought I would miss a class and feared that I would get far behind after missing one day. The great thing was that my professor was completely understanding and caught me up on everything that was covered that day in class.
#3: Be lazy. I proceeded to stay in bed since I wasn’t going to be in class and did absolutely nothing. I wasn’t getting enough sleep before that day, so I decided to take a nap. I actually took plenty of naps and laid in bed plenty of times that week. I needed a break and allowed my brain to process and recover from everything that had happened.#4: Distract yourself. After I finally convinced myself to get out of bed, I went to volunteer. I do office work for my supervisor that gets my head off of things easily. I was miserable when I walked into work, but I left completely refreshed, ready to finish off the rest of my day. For some odd reason, schoolwork helps me too, or even doing some writing makes me feel better about myself.
#5: Eat and drink something. I know a lot of people don’t have a lot of interest in eating and/or drinking during the grieving process, but I strongly encourage everyone to eat and drink something. Drinking water will make you feel less tired and way more productive. There were plenty of days during which I felt like I wanted to do absolutely nothing, but then I started drinking more water, and I felt like I could actually finish my assignments.
#6: It’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel depressed. It’s okay to take longer to get out of bed in the morning. What you feel and what you are going through is okay. I cried way more than I needed to during that week, but I needed to cry to get out all the emotions that I had built up. I had to sleep in a little bit more every day because it was hard to wake up and get out of bed. Finally, when I decided to, I felt better and continued with my day.
Everyone has different ways of grieving, and I recently learned my way of doing it. I hope everyone can take something away from this. It is always important to take care of yourself, even when you feel like there isn’t a point anymore. Most of all, get help. Talk to someone. Don’t let those emotions build up, or they can have really negative consequences on your mental health.