Last year, my mom and I were strolling down the streets of Chicago and came across a store on Wells Street, owned by Joan Cusack, called Judy Maxwell Home. From the moment we walked in, we could not stop laughing and were practically squeezing our legs together to keep from peeing our pants. We were amused most by the wall of hilarious socks, which consisted of pictures and little sayings perfect for every personality. It ranged from messages of empowerment to dad jokes all ON A SOCK. However, they were a little pricey. I mean, I would never pay $10-$14 for one pair of normal plain white socks, but throw on a slogan and a cool pattern, and I’m sold.
I do get a lot of wear out of them, though. I have a pair that says “Motherf*cking Girl Power,” and I wear them every time there is one of those random national holidays associated with girls or femininity. I’m not going to lie…wearing the socks makes me feel pretty cool too, except for the fact that I was always hiding them in high school so my teachers couldn’t see the profanities and think I was that person, even though I am clearly that person.
Anyways, now that spooky season is over and even though it’s November and Thanksgiving isn’t for another 3ish weeks, we have definitely entered the holiday season, and you will be hearing Christmas songs on the radio before you know it. Christmas (or Hanukkah) will come quickly, and these socks are the perfect gag gift or stocking stuffer (again, if you have enough money to buy more than a pair of socks for people, but I don’t) for your friends and family, and it’s a good way to poke fun at your friends and family without being a complete jerk. This is me doing just that.
For my dad:
I actually think we bought these (left) for my dad last Christmas. He is either sitting on the couch, watching golf, eating a bag of potato chips, or taking long walks around the yard with a glass of wine in his hand. I never know what he’s doing, but no dad, your flowers have not grown since the last time you checked on them…2 hours ago. He’s also pretty “cool” (as cool as they get)… but don’t tell him I said that, even though he’s probably reading this right now. If your dad suffers from selective hearing and only listens when it has to do with food or sports, consider buying him these for this upcoming holiday season.
For my mom:
I think that after you have kids, your bladder instantly shrinks in size, because moms always have to pee. At least my mom does. Before dinner, after dinner, after cleaning up dinner—I can’t actually keep track. Maybe it’s from her need to drink 100oz of water a day; I really couldn’t tell you. These are the socks for all the classy moms out there who drink a glass of wine with dinner and live life like a boss.
For my suitemate:
To the girl from Kansas City, or what she says is “the only place to get good barbeque.” She’s always relying on caffeine to keep her up till the early hours of the morning procrastinating on sociology readings and paintings in Peeler, but also to help her stay awake the next day so she can “get shit done” (which we know is a vicious cycle). She makes me laugh, and I love her anyway. If you’re friends with the queen of procrastination who, for her last meal, would eat BBQ and coffee, snag these before they’re gone! She’ll always get a good laugh out of them.
For my best friend:
I am sending my love to my best friend from 114 miles away. We are pretty much the same person, except for the fact that she excels at anything sports-related, which includes but is not limited to golf, bags (what most Midwesterners call “cornhole”), frisbee, powderpuff football, you name it. These are the socks for the person who you love to have dance parties with (more specifically, to “Kiwi” by Harry Styles) and bond over people who constantly piss you off and ruin your day. Chirp Chirp. (It’s a Ball State thing, I don’t know)