We have all been there before… the dreaded word of being “single.” I know that some people are happy being single, so I am not singling those of you who are. This is for the girls who scroll through TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook seeing so-called happy relationships and constantly ask themselves why they can’t find a significant other. I think through the pandemic, those feelings of loneliness have been heightened even more so and those words, “I want a boyfriend/girlfriend,” seem to be coming out of my friends’ and acquaintances’ mouths daily.
Here is my disclaimer: I am in a long-term, healthy, and happy relationship. I know–– cringe. Here is the irony of that though. After the worst relationship I ever had in high school and the “thirsty,” immature, and objectifying boys I met freshmen and sophomore year of college, I was over it. Exactly four weeks before I met my boyfriend, a real man may I add, I announced I was done trying and I did not want anything to do with boys for a long time. I said I will be single the rest of college, happily. Now, look where that ended up for me…
However, in my (almost) twenty-two years of life, I have never had that before and I’ve found myself constantly reassuring my friends that their time and person will come when it is the right time. A significant other should not be someone or something that you are seeking to fulfill your life or some void. Rather, it should be someone who comes in to enhance your life in ways you never could have imagined. I honestly believe the biggest mistake our generation makes is looking too hard. Sure, it’s cheesy, but the right person finds you at the right time.
The moment that you find yourself going around saying you want a boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s actually a sign you need to work on yourself. That is not meant to come off harsh–– but ask yourself why you want that. Your answers probably vary around being lonely, the only single one of your friend group, or maybe it just looks “fun” and “happy.” Whatever the answer is, you need to learn to accept yourself and your life the way it is in the moment. Learn to be happy with what life has given you right now, and learn to be happy with yourself first (which is easier said than done, I know).
Think about it this way. If you aren’t content with your life in the moment and you are searching for a partner, you will be looking for someone who you think will complete you. You look for someone who will make you happy. Sure, you may find someone this way and they may make you happy for some time, but it is not going to last. Stop telling yourself it will. You’ll start to feel empty again or you may become dependent on this person now for your happiness, which in the end will only make that breakup harder for you. You will end up back where you started, but feeling even worse.
Now, if you wait until you’re happy or at least content with your life, you’ll get to the point where you don’t need to say, “I wish I had a boyfriend/girlfriend.” You will begin to seek out someone who does not complete or make your life “whole.” You will find someone who simply makes your life better and not happy, but happier. You will begin to live your own best life, on your own. You will start to notice those people who either enhance your life and then those who are just there to fill a void. You may lose a few friends in this process, but you don’t have time for toxic friends anyway, get rid of them.
It may be counterintuitive, but the moment you stop wishing and hoping for a significant other is the exact moment you will find one. Don’t force it or lie to yourself either. Really work on being happy with yourself, until that feeling is genuine. I promise when the time is right, you will meet someone.
Stop wasting time getting ghosted, used, and being told: “you have too much trauma for me” (ope) and focus on yourself only. Only then will the right person find you.
P.S. Please delete Tinder. It is not going to get you where you want to be.
#selflovebaby