My Life As a Playlist

Y' know when songs give you that feeling? Like you know exactly what you were doing and when you were doing it when you hear it? Yeah, so here are my songs:

 

This will be embarrassing, and funny, and sad, and lovely. Because that's how my playlist goes. It's one that fluxes and falls just to come back up again.

 

2006

"Who Said": Hannah Montana

This feels like a good place to start. I was six years old and going to my first concert. It was Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers—and yes this was the era of cross over Disney shows and purity rings—I was LIVING. My mom was taking me for a special girls-night-out because the next morning she would be leaving town with my dad on a business trip, and leaving me with my less than nurturing grandparents, who live in the middle of nowhere. Most of the concert I cried because I was a total mommas girl (still am) and she was leaving.

 

2009

"Juke Box Hero": Foreigner  

In fifth grade, I knew every single lyric. I had a Dad who was a huge fan of rock and an older brother who followed his every move. So if dad would listen to it, so would Andrew. My family used to drive up to Lake Heron and rent a cabin to spend a week on the lake (proud Michigander), and on the ride up we listened to Juke Box Hero and All Summer Long by Kid Rock the ENTIRE way there. And it was awesome. When we got there, the day was spent in the lake and the nights were spent on the pull-out couch watching Rudy on VHS. This memory feels like sunshine on my face and smells like a campfire in my nose.

 

2011

"Price Tag": Jesse J

Okay, for the LONGEST time this was like my deepest, darkest, secret. Even though it wasn't a super secret because I embarrassed myself in front of my ENTIRE school. Sooo anyways in sixth grade I was a total baddy and cared so much about status and all the ‘popluar’ kids from my school were musically inclined so damn it, I was going to be too. I decided that I was going to sing in front of my entire school and I was going to sing Price Tag because I was a boujee bitch. In the auditions I sold myself. This cute little girl stood up to the mic and sung my little heart out while swaying and closing my eyes to add ~drama~. But I didn't have music because it was last minute so they were like ‘just get the music for the show’ and I was like ‘perf’. Well, big bet. I put it off and just figured that I would just ‘feel it’ and totally know what it was doing. And I didn't, so I got up on stage, sang one verse, forgot what I was doing, and just stood there. To make matters worse, my brother was in the crowd and when I got off stage he came up to me and said ‘you just embarrassed me, so thanks’ and walked away.

 

2012

"Fall For You": Secondhand Serenade

I'm dead. Writing this article is just a collection of what my brain thinks about when I'm trying to fall asleep and it wants me to suffer over the embarrassing human I used to be (lol ‘used to be’). So.. in 7th grade I had my first boyfriend. He was in a band and played the bass guitar, he played football (and yes I was a cheerleader), and I was head over heels. He was the first person to ever get me a valentine and write me a love letter. Our whirlwind romance lasted eight months which was honestly longer than any relationship I would come to have in high school. We hugged before class, and he was ~popular~ so I got status. One night we were typing back and forth on our flip phones and things got flirtatious.. we were asking questions like “if you could go anywhere with anyone where would you go?” and “what's a song that reminds me of you” so this is that song. And if you know what song this is… that shit hits deep! Eventually, our relationship ended, and I sobbed while listening to this song, and thinking that I would never find love again.

2015

"See You Again": Wiz Khalifa

I had just turned sixteen when I lost someone very special to me. I always struggle to describe our relationship because ‘friend’ feels too insignificant but we aren't blood so the term ‘brother’ isn't right either, but special seems to fit well. He committed suicide, so the pain of lose is felt in a very different and painful way. At his funeral, this song played as everyone was filing in and waiting for the service to start, and I balled my eyes out. For months I could not listen to this song without having a breakdown. But now its a reminder, and I can listen to it and feel all those feelings, but let it be happy memories instead of an empty loss.

 

2016

"Pocketful of Sunshine": Natasha Bedingfield

An oldie but a goodie. This song takes me back to my junior year of high school when class just got out for the summer. My best friend and I decided to get jobs together at the Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team in my hometown. We worked at confessions, often side by side, which really made the work more tolerable. We rode together every time we worked because I didn't have a car and it was way more fun that way. That means we rode home together too, and most games didn't get over with until almost midnight, and we would be STARVING. So, after games, we would pick up a Little Ceasers Hot & Ready Pizza and sit in the parking lot next to the dam in my hometown and MONCH on some pizza and blare Pocketful of Sunshine.

 

2017

"Rockstar": Nickelback

This is my JAM and I don't care who knows it. This was my first New Years Eve that included ~alcohol~ and I went a little crazy. This was my freshman year of college and I had never really drank before, so I didn't know what “pacing yourself” meant. So when I was several shots of whipped cream flavored Smirnoff I decided that I just NEEDED this song. I stole the Alexa and got on the countertop of my friend's- boyfriends- parents house with Alexa in one hand and Redds Hard Cider in the other. And I played Rockstar over and over and over again.

 

2019

"Party For Two": Shania Twain

A song that I couldn't help but fall in love with as I have seen it performed over and over in the car, by my boyfriend. All her songs actually remind me of him. I had never really listened to her before until I was in his car and it came on somewhere on his playlist between J Cole and Post Malone. He performs it with such passion, often using my hand that he has been holding as a microphone. His mom once told me that she never had to hire a babysitter because it was way easier to sit him down in front of the TV and play videos of Shania Twain performing and it would keep him entertained for hours.

 

Whatever your playlist consists of… the good and the bad… make sure to blare it. Because it's yours. Those memories and feelings created you, so grow from it, not just the good, but grow from it all.