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Shakespearean Insults For Everyday Use

If you’re like me, you’re always looking for a creative way to *lovingly * insult your friends. I have finally found a genre of insults that will absolutely NEVER get old…unless you think Billy Shakes is old. In which case you would be correct…but his insults are pure gold.

1. Thou crusty batch of nature!That perfect insult for that one friend we all have (and if you don’t know one…it’s you) that is so obsessed with our planet they’re greatest wish is to become a pile of mud and flowers.

2. Oh thou, saucy boy!

This is the replacement for when you’re being sassy to one of your friends, but they tell you some real good dirt.

3. Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool?

Honestly, just gold.

4. The tartness of his face sours ripe grapesYou know the face that Shakespeare is talking about here. Embrace it. Love it. Make fun of it.

5. Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes

Even better than a door slam after a large fight.

6. Villain, I have done thy mother

Shakespeare is quite literally the founder of all mom jokes. Boom. Knowledge.

7. The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended mine nostrilPull this one out if your best friend ever decides to call you – or someone else – trash. Works every time.

8. Away, you three-inch fool!

Oh, you know when.

9. I am sick when I do look on theeJust an all time classic. This one can be used for any time. In any place. In any measure. Forever a goodie.

Now go out and act like you know high literature like the back of your hand. You will insult your friends so well they will have no comeback, and you will sound smart as heck!

Brooke Stiles

Denison '18

Brooke is a sophomore at Denison University, studying Communication and Sociology/Anthropology. As a fashion fanatic and Broadway binger, she loves being a part of the Her Campus team! At Denison, Brooke is the music director for her acapella group, DUWop, and is a leader for various volunteer groups on campus. She has interned for GlamSalad.com and photographed with designers like Liv Schreiber, founder of Latico by Liv. When she isn't busy (but let's face it, she always is!), Brooke loves hanging out with friends, watching Gossip Girl for the bazillionth time, and snuggling with her puppers. After graduation, Brooke hopes to work in Public Relations for Broadway's best and brightest. Follow Brooke on Instagram at @brookexxrose and @dont.shutter!
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