Freshman Year Frustration: “I’m Done with Guys”
DISCLAIMER: The contents of this article do not apply to all freshman year ladies. We know that not everyone participates in the hookup culture here, but this piece is to help those who choose to.
We’ve had plenty of content on HC Denison about tricky situations our ladies are dealing with on campus in relation to boys/dating/relationships. Freshman year brings so many new opportunities, but also with new lessons in the dating department. First semester, most people aren’t looking for anything too serious. Sure, why not dance with a bunch of guys and get to know them? Why not go back to that cute guy from the party’s room? It’s your first semester here, you’re loving your new taste of freedom, and want to experience a piece of the hook-up culture here. There’s a sense of giddiness that comes along with chatting with your gal pals about who you danced with the previous night, who you DFMO’d with (Dance Floor Makeout), or who’s room you spent the night in. Come Thanksgiving, then winter break, life is grand. So many hot guys, hookups, and sleepovers, college life is great!
Second semester is tends to be different. Suddenly, the hookup process seems to take its tool. The guy you’ve been talking to may go back to your bed, but after a quick hookup session finds some excuse to leave, leaving you a tad confused. After a month of flirty texting and cuddle sessions, you see your guy make out with your hall mate right in front of you at a party. Or it’s a Friday night, and you finally get the courage to talk with a cutie, exchange numbers, spend the night dancing, go back to his room across campus, have an amazing time, and then you never hear from him again. Many girls get discouraged with dating life here, and seem to find themselves frustrated and confused. You’re tired of a weekend booty call, and may want something a little more serious, but how on earth do you find it here? Here’s a little timeline of the Freshman hookup period.
1. Beginning of your First Semester: FREEDOM. You no longer live with your parents, have a curfew, or any rules. Parties and alcohol are easily accessible, and you’re meeting tons of new girls and guys. With experiences like the sizzle, you get a taste of what’s to come. You may have just ended your high school relationship, and are ready for a new experience. Why would you want to be tied down?? There are so many cuties around campus, on your floor, and in your classes. “Hooking up” sounds so exciting, so spontaneous, and fun. There’s a bit of a thrill that comes with meeting someone on the dance floor, then walking back to his room with his arm around your tight clubbing dress as you hold your impossible heels. The next morning at breakfast, you sit with your new besties and gossip about your nights, who you met, danced with, and how embarrassing your walk of shame was.
2. Post Fall Break: After spending time at home, and spilling all of your new adventures with high school friends and siblings, you seem re-energized, and ready to hit the party scene again. That cutie next to me in Spanish? It’s a go. You’re pumped to get dressed up with your best ladies, follow the music to a party, and have the best time. Who knows what’s in store for the night?
3. Between Thanksgiving and Winter Break: Crunchtime. Finals are approaching, and you find yourself going out less. You may have been hooking up/talking to someone for a while, but are not sure where you stand. Should I get him a Christmas present? No, that’s much too serious. Will he get me something? Probably not.
4. Winter Break: The four weeks you have off are a great rejuvenating time. You get to see family and friends, and are maybe occasionally texting your hookup from last semester. Maybe you’re wondering if you’ll still be a thing when classes resume? Or should I assume he’s done? And we all cringe when our family asks us if we’re dating anyone at Christmas dinner. Maybe you’ll come up with an answer similar to, “No, I don’t have time.” “No, I’m just enjoying freshman year and don’t want to deal with a serious relationship.” “No, but I’ve been hanging out with someone which has been fun.” Even though you seem confident, in the back of your mind you may be wishing you had something a little more.
5. Beginning of Second Semester: New classes, new boys and new friends! Your excitement levels are back up again. Recruitment is around the corner, bringing tons of opportunities to meet new guys and girls. Maybe your hookup still seems interested, or maybe you’ve started a new fling. You may find someone that could be the only person you talk to for a while, and he seems to be interested. You’ve been here for a while now, and understand how this process works. Maybe you’re ready for something a little serious, like an exclusive hookup, or even to be dating someone.
6. Mid Second Semester: Frustration, irritation, and confusion. Suddenly, the elation of the hookup culture seems to fade. The guy you’ve been talking to is done, and has moved onto someone else. You meet a nice guy at a party, have a fun night talking and hooking up, but he never talks to you in the dining hall, or doesn’t text you again. This may have been shrugged off easily first semester, but now it’s beginning to get a bit old. Why can’t guys take me seriously? This is the point where many girls tend to get discouraged. Some may feel unfairly led on, or played. Will I ever even find anyone here? I feel like guys here only want to hookup for fun.
Don’t lose hope ladies! Freshman year is a time of growth and new challenges. Many guys, especially the ones in your year, are attempting to grow themselves, and may not know how to deal with the pressures of the hookup culture here either. They may need a year or so to mature a bit. If you aren’t having any luck with guys now, don’t give up. Denison has many great guys to offer, and you probably haven’t met them yet. You have three more years, and 6 more semesters to meet new people. If you think you’re ready for something a little more serious…
1. Don’t hookup too fast! Let your guy know that you don’t want to be seen as just a hookup, and don’t rush into a sleepover. Let him talk to you sober, and if you meet up at a party, hangout for a bit after, then go back to your own cozy bed. Have fun at the party, maybe order a pizza bagel at the Bandersnatch, then have him walk you back to your room. If he never talks to you again, then you know it’s not a good situation. Guys respect girls that respect themselves. This is such an important tip that needs to be heard!
2. Stop searching. As cliché as it sounds, when you stop actively searching for someone, you seem to get lucky. Don’t stress yourself out with a search, but let things happen themselves. You’ll be so much happier.
3. Don’t lose faith in Denison dating. Denison may get a bad rep for its dating pool, but don’t let this discourage you. There are tons of amazing guys here, we promise! You just may not find them shot gunning a beer blackout at a party. Parties are not the only places to meet people. Try in class, in clubs or through mutual friends.
The advice in this article is very important. So many girls find themselves burnt out and frustrated with the relationship scene here. Hopefully after reading this article, you’ll feel better about your situation, and understand that you’re not alone either. At some point or another, we’ve all exclaimed, “I’m done with guys! I’m staying single forever!” Just listen to our advice and don’t give up. Who knows? You may end up sitting next to your future guy on the first day of class next semester.
XOXOXO,
Kaitlin