The Four Christmas Articles You’re Bound to See this Holiday

Once the Broadway performances, freezing band players, and giant floats have passed through the streets of Times Square, Santa brings up the rear to call in Christmas- at 11:30 in the morning before the turkey has even been put in the oven.

Radio stations have begun playing Christmas music before Halloween (or so it seems)! Is Thanksgiving truly a holiday anymore? Or is it just the mile marker to when it’s “appropriate” to actually start holiday festivities. As everyone is getting into the spirit, hundreds upon thousands of articles are compiled by eager journalists and writers to get their “fresh new ideas” out on paper to the masses. Little do they know- it’s been done dozens of times before them and no one truly cares about their favorite Christmas movies.

Here is a list of the articles you are definitely going to be reading this holiday season.  

1. Best Christmas Movies of ALL TIME  

It usually begins with something that sounds like: Time to tell you the 17 Christmas movies you already know because you’ve already seen them and you’ve already read this same exact list every year for the last 10 years on this site and every other! So, without further ado at number 17: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!

Here’s the thing: this list has all the classics on it that EVERYONE knows and loves. There will be nothing that surprises you, nothing that will excite you, and you’ve probably seen every single movie they are talking about.

The article, essentially, is pretty useless. The only real use it has is to see how creative the author can make the gif match the text. I always look for a good pun.  

2. Top Holiday Gifts for Everyone on Your List!  

 

Truly, I can see where this could come in handy. That being said, do you really think your best friend wants you to find her gift from a list? Furthermore, wouldn’t you want your best friend to put a little more creativity into a gift for you?

BE CREATIVE. Don’t just go out and buy something. It would be much more meaningful if you went on Pinterest and stole an idea off there that you could make your own, than if you just bought her socks that have sushi rolls on them. I know you have more creativity than that. Trust me, she’s going to cherish that picture frame you made from sticks and paint more than those socks that her dog is going to eat in a week. I promise.

 

3. The Best Playlist for the Holidays!  

The same playlist will be found on Spotify, the radio, Pandora, Amazon Music, Apple Music, Soundcloud, Google Play, YouTube, iHeartRadio, Vimeo, etc., etc., etc. Save yourself the time and just don’t read it.

You know the songs that will be on there. You do. And you know every word.

4. Oddly Specific Number of Oddly Specific Subculture Gifts that Fan Club of Subculture Will Love

Chances are, if they really are as big of a Potterhead as their Pottermore-stated patronus say they are, they probably have already been gifted everything that would be on this exceedingly basic list.

As stated in number 2, you can do better than this. Your friends expect better than this. They deserve better than this.

If they are super into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, then, by all means, buy them a backpack that looks like a turtle shell! But also do something else with it. Stuff it with cute pictures of you and them on a corkboard you made for them or fill it to the brim with bath supplies that will undoubtedly turn them into a turtle (green bubble bath, turtle bath bomb, green facemasks, honestly anything green you can find) or even just small trinkets that remind you both of fond memories.

Again, you can do better than something pre-manufactured from a list. Take it a step further.

Truly, these are from personal opinion, but it would be awesome if journalists could find some new content to write about. Now, I don’t know what that content is, but let’s find it because I’m done reading what my mother is sure to love this Christmas. I can guarantee you she won’t.