Do you know that feeling when something’s about to end? Like when you’re watching a movie and it’s finally hit the climax so you just know it has to be over soon? Or when you’re in class in the middle of an intriguing lecture and you’re suddenly aware that it’s almost time to leave? Or if it’s a Saturday night and you’re just hanging out with your best buds, but it’s late and everyone’s a bit tired so you know the night is going to end soon? Well lately for me, that’s what every day feels like; and perhaps it won’t go away until the day I finally graduate. It’s not a bad feeling. It’s a feeling that lets you know that while something has ended, there is a possibility of something new coming up just around the corner. It’s bittersweet in a sense.
There comes a point when you realize that college life becomes a bit routine. It wasn’t until this year that I realized how somewhat sheltering living on campus can be at first. I still live on campus, but now that I’m in an apartment, there are some amenities I find myself missing from previous years. I’m more aware of how much money and effort it takes to live without a meal plan, and with your own kitchen and bathroom. It doesn’t sound like much, but costs and chores do add up. I actually have to clean toilets, shop for groceries and supplies, and do dishes now. Every time I cook dinner for myself or meal plan or mop, that feeling of the end hits me again and I imagine doing these things on my own, without roommates, and while having a job and trying to make a living.
For the past 3 years, I’ve built a small home on campus (in various dorms, of course). I’ve made close friends, met so many intelligent people, and learned so much about the world around me. It’s kind of scary to imagine a world outside of the one I’ve become so accustomed to, but at the same time I’m so very excited, and I would like to think that I’m also ready.
For now, I know I have time. I have roommates who are my closest friends and we cook for each other, entertain each other, and support each other as best we can. I still have classes to go to and projects to complete. But this year provides me with the sense that it’s all ending soon…..because it really is. Soon, I’ll have job applications to send out, an apartment to search for, and bills to pay. However, I can’t help but think of what we’ll do after the end. I can imagine one of my roommates getting into medical school and becoming one of the most compassionate doctors out there. I can picture the other becoming a biologist and working with researchers to find out new things about the human body. I can picture myself working with researchers to answer new questions about children’s psychological development. I know we won’t get there soon or quite so smoothly. But with the end comes the excitement for what’s to come. I’m choosing not to be scared, but instead hopeful and optimistic about myself and those around me. I’m excited to pull together everything that I’ve learned socially and academically to do something I love. I can’t wait to see that this end begins.