There are only two and a half weeks left in the semester before final papers/exams begin. My time at Dension has flown by. It is hard to believe that my friends and I (along with the rest of the Class of 2022) will be seniors in August.
In high school, I used to dream about being in college. Now that I am here, I spend my time looking forward to where I will be after graduation. This mindset feels like a cycle—one where our attention is set on constantly reaching the next destination in life. I began to realize that where I am now (a 21-year-old, independent junior in college) is the point of my life that I used to daydream about when I was a high school teenager living at my parent’s house. Yet, I am averting my focus to fantasies about the next chapter in my life when I should sit and enjoy where I am now because this is exactly where I used to want to be. I saw a quote that (roughly) said how the only time that actually exists is the present moment, so it is important to be where your feet are. Since realizing how quickly time passes as I get older, I have been working on being consciously present. I do not want to spend my twenties being worried about when I will get to my thirties, and I don’t want to spend my thirties being concerned about my forties – and so on. I want to experience and enjoy where I am now, or else one day, I might look back and realize I missed the experience because I was looking too far ahead or too busy reminiscing/depicting the past.
I started to be more conscientious of the times that I feel most present. In my experience, I get random moments of consciousness at the most bizarre times. It’s quite funny actually because I will be in the middle of a party with my friends, at the gas station, or in the middle of a strenuous assignment… yet all of a sudden feel this sense of pure clarity. My favorite time to be (purposefully) present is when I am by myself and outside at any time – day or night.
I recognize that often the reason we live in our thoughts of the past and wishes of the future is because of societal pressures, personal circumstances, and other expectations placed upon us. There is a balance in everything. I am not saying I won’t continue to consider how my decisions will affect my future or that I will stop looking back into the past in order not to repeat old patterns, but I don’t want to make the reality of my present being concerned about getting to my future or picking apart my past.