College is supposed to be the best time of your life—so why does it sometimes feel so isolating? Let’s break down the silent struggle of loneliness in college and how to navigate it.
College is often painted as the ultimate adventure- a time filled with spontaneous late-night food runs, unforgettable college fests, deep conversations with friends at 2 AM, and the thrilling freedom of finally being on your own. It’s the phase where you are supposed to “find yourself,” make lifelong friendships, and create memories that will make you nostalgic years down the line.
But here’s the truth- amidst the chaos of crowded lecture halls, hostel gossip sessions, and society meetings, loneliness can creep in silently. You could be standing in a sea of people yet feel like you don’t truly belong. Scrolling through social media, it might seem like everyone else is thriving- group selfies at events, study sessions that look more fun than productive, and inside jokes you are not a part of.
According to a 2023 survey by the American College Health Association, over 60% of college students reported feeling lonely frequently or occasionally, and more than 45% felt isolated from others. A study by UCLA even developed a Loneliness Scale, revealing that young adults experience loneliness more intensely than other age groups.
So why does college, a place buzzing with activity, sometimes feel isolating? And more importantly, how do you navigate through this phase? Let’s break it down.
The Pressure to ‘Find Your People’ Immediately
The moment you step into college, there’s this unspoken rule that you need to find your group ASAP- as if friendships come with a seven-day free trial, and if you don’t subscribe in time, you’ll be forever alone. You look around and see people forming tight-knit squads within weeks, laughing over inside jokes while you are still trying to remember where your next class is.
Been there, done that. I spent my entire first year wondering if I was the problem because I just couldn’t click with people the way everyone else seemed to. Being an introvert didn’t help either- initiating conversations felt like a high-stakes social experiment, and group activities? Absolute nightmare. It wasn’t until my second year that I actually started making real friendships. And guess what? It happened naturally.
A 2018 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that meaningful friendships take about 200 hours to develop- which means it’s completely normal to feel a little out of place at first.
What to do:
- Don’t panic if you haven’t found your ‘ride-or-die’ squad in the first semester (or even the first year). Trust me, you are not doomed to eat lunch alone forever.
- Join clubs, societies, or activities you actually enjoy- shared interests make socializing way easier.
- Talk to different people, but don’t force friendships. The right ones will click without you having to overthink every text message.
Friendships take time. And honestly? Some of the best ones come when you least expect them.
The Shift from High School Friendships
Remember how effortless friendships were in school? You saw the same people every day, had lunch together, got punishments together, laughed over the most random things, and survived boring classes side by side. Fast forward to college, and suddenly, everyone is in different cities, drowning in their own academic mess.
I have a best friend from school, and guess how often we talk now? Once a month- if we’re lucky. Not because we don’t care, but because adulting hit us like a truck. One of us is always buried under assignments, running between classes, or simply too exhausted to text back. Our conversations now are just 30-minute-long life updates, followed by “We NEED to talk more often” (which, of course, never happens).
And let’s be real- making new friends in college isn’t as easy as TV shows make it seem. You can’t just walk up to someone and say, “Hey, let’s be besties.” (Okay, you could, but they’d probably think you’re weird.)
What to do:
- Accept that friendships evolve. Just because you don’t talk daily doesn’t mean your school friends have replaced you. They’re struggling just like you.
- Put in the effort, but don’t force it. A simple “Hey, I miss our nonsense talks” text can go a long way.
- Make peace with the fact that you’ll probably make new friends at a much slower pace now. Start with small conversations- comment on a classmate’s notes, complain about an assignment, or just ask where the best chai spot is on campus. You never know where it might lead.
College friendships take time, and school friendships don’t disappear overnight. The key is finding a balance between keeping old bonds alive and being open to new ones. And if nothing else, there’s always that one friend who’ll reply to your texts after 3 weeks like nothing happened (we all have one).
Social Media Comparison Trap
Ah, Instagram- the magical land where everyone’s life looks ten times more exciting than yours. One scroll and you see people laughing with friends at cafés, vibing at concerts, going on road trips, and whatnot.
Honestly, I’ve been living in Delhi for almost two years now, and guess how many places I’ve explored? A grand total of two or three. Meanwhile, my feed is full of people hopping from one aesthetic café to another, attending festivals, and posing in front of India Gate like it’s their backyard. And here I am, surviving back-to-back lectures, submitting assignments at 11:59 PM, and scrolling through reels in bed until I pass out.
A study by Capital University found that students who spent more time on social media were more likely to feel lonely, as they compared their lives to seemingly perfect experiences shared by their peers online. Refer to the study here [link].
But here’s the thing- no one posts their breakdown over an overdue project or the 45 minutes they spent just staring at the ceiling, questioning life choices. It’s all curated, edited, and filtered- literally and metaphorically.
What to do:
- Take a break from social media if it’s making you feel miserable. (Or at least remind yourself that people aren’t posting their bad days.)
- Stop comparing your reality to someone’s highlight reel. Just because they posted a fun outing doesn’t mean they’re living their best life 24/7.
- Focus on your own experiences. Even if your college life feels like a cycle of lectures → assignments → sleep, it’s YOURS. And trust me, even the seemingly boring days will become stories someday.
So, the next time you feel like your life is dull compared to the Instagram, just remember- half those people are probably just as exhausted as you, only with better camera angles.
The Fear of Reaching Out
Sometimes, loneliness isn’t about not having people around- it’s about not knowing how to reach out without feeling like you are randomly crashing someone’s life. You overthink sending a simple “Wanna grab coffee?” text like it’s a high-stakes business proposal, and the fear of awkwardness stops you before you even hit send. And let’s not even mention that soul-crushing moment when you finally hype yourself up to make plans, only to realize they’re already out with their ‘main group’- it sucks!
I’ve been there- staring at my phone for hours, debating whether to text first or just wait for them to magically take the initiative (spoiler- they never did, and neither did I). I’ve even typed out messages, deleted them, retyped them, then deleted them again- fully convincing myself “they’re probably busy” or “I don’t want to seem desperate”.
What to do:
- Don’t overthink it. Seriously, everyone is just as clueless as you when it comes to making and maintaining friendships.
- Be the one to take initiative. Ask a classmate if they want to grab coffee, rant about an assignment, or just walk together after class- the smallest things can break the ice.
- People appreciate effort. Even if they don’t always say it, everyone likes feeling included. You reaching out might be the reason they don’t spend another evening scrolling Instagram, feeling just as lonely.
Worst-case scenario? They say no, and life goes on. Best case? You just made a new friend who’s just as awkward about socializing as you are!
Academic Pressure and Isolation
The National College Health Assessment found that more than 50% of students feel that academic stress negatively impacts their social life. Assignments, exams, career worries- college is basically a never-ending cycle of deadlines and existential crises. And when stress piles up, socializing starts feeling like a luxury you can’t afford. At this point, even replying to a text feels like extra work.
I get it- I’m always stressed. Like, permanently. The kind of stress that keeps me awake at 3 AM, staring at the ceiling, contemplating why I ever thought college was a good idea. My sleep schedule? Absolutely wrecked. There are nights when I’m so anxious about finishing work that I just stay awake, get nothing done, and then suffer the next day anyway. (Tell me why my brain works like this.)
What to do:
- Balance work and social time. Even a five-minute rant session with a friend can work wonders (misery loves company, after all).
- Try studying in a library or a group setting. You’ll still be getting work done, but at least you’ll see other human beings instead of just your laptop screen and textbooks.
- Find ways to de-stress with people. Play a sport, have a movie night, go on a random walk- anything to remind yourself that life exists beyond assignments.
At the end of the day, college is stressful, but suffering alone makes it worse. So, text that friend, step out of your cave, and remember- grades matter, but so does your sanity.
Living Away from Home
Moving to a new city or staying in a hostel/PG sounds exciting. One minute, you are all hyped about your new-found independence, and the next, homesickness kicks in like an uninvited guest. No background noise of my mom calling my name for the hundredth time, no sibling arguments over the TV remote- just me, rotting in bed, questioning all my life choices. I barely get time to call, and when I do, it’s mostly just me whining about how horrible the food is.
Speaking of food- PG meals deserve a separate horror story. It’s like a cruel joke- you eat, but your stomach never feels full. At this point, I’ve accepted that my body runs on Maggi, chai and whatever snacks I order from Blinkit.
What to do:
- Make your new space feel like home. Decorate a little, get cozy essentials, or bring something familiar from home.
- Stay connected, but also get involved. Video call your family, spam your best friend with rants, but also force yourself to step out, even if it’s just to avoid dying alone in your room.
- Create small routines. Find a café that doesn’t serve sadness, go for a weekend outing, or pick up a hobby- basically, anything to make life feel a little better.
Homesickness is real, but it gets better (or so I keep telling myself). And if nothing else, at least you’ll appreciate ghar ka khaana like never before when you finally go home!
Final Thoughts
College is an adventure- messy, unpredictable, and sometimes lonely. One moment, you are laughing at 2 AM with friends, dancing at fests, or exploring new cafés, and the next, you are questioning everything while eating Maggi alone in your PG. But here’s the thing- loneliness is just a phase, not a permanent state. Even the ones posting their “best college life ever!! 🥳✨” moments have probably cried over an assignment at 3 AM too.
Eventually, things start falling into place. You meet people who just get you, find your go-to chai spot, and somehow, between all the assignments, breakdowns, and spontaneous plans, life starts to feel like an adventure again- one that’s uniquely yours.
So, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel lost, to miss home, or to take a break and binge-watch comfort shows. Because at the end of the day, college isn’t just about friendships and parties- it’s about figuring yourself out, embracing the highs and lows, and collecting moments that, years from now, will make you nostalgic for this beautifully chaotic ride.