Time is such an intangible yet overpowering force. It moves steadily, indifferent to human emotions, yet in moments of grief, it warps—stretching endlessly or collapsing into an instant. When we lose someone, time doesn’t just pass; it changes. A single moment of loss can make the past feel unreachable, the present unbearable, and the future uncertain.
The Mahabharata speaks of time’s inescapable flow and its role in both creation and destruction:
“Time spares no one—it lifts some and casts others down. Therefore, one must act wisely and never be heedless of time.” (Source)
This reminds us that time is unstoppable, indifferent to human suffering. Grief may make us feel as though time has halted, but in truth, it moves forward while we struggle to keep pace.
How Grief Warps Time
Grief alters our relationship with time in profound ways. Sometimes, it feels as if the world should have paused in mourning, yet it continues, indifferent to our pain. At other times, memories rush in so vividly that the past seems closer than the present.
The psychological impact of grief on time perception is well-documented. Studies suggest that intense sorrow can create a sense of temporal distortion—making minutes feel like hours or entire months blur together (Source).
We replay memories, consumed by regret and guilt, even as we know we cannot change what has already happened. And still, despite knowing the present, we find ourselves clinging to the past, struggling to bridge the gap between what was and what is.
Grief Pulls Us Back: When the Present Becomes Unlivable
The past becomes an anchor in grief. We relive conversations, choices, and missed opportunities, experiencing them as though they are still unfolding. Guilt sharpens these moments—why didn’t we reach out more? Why did we assume there was more time? But no matter how much we replay them, the past remains unchangeable.
People always talk about “living in the moment,” but grief makes that difficult. The past feels more real than the present, and the future feels unbearable without the person we’ve lost.
After losing my grandmother, I didn’t just lose her—I lost the version of myself that believed there was always more time. Moving to a new city for college consumed me, and I didn’t realize how little time I had left with her. I regret every moment I let slip away—the calls I didn’t make, the visits I postponed. I couldn’t see her one last time, couldn’t hold her hand. And now, that regret lingers, heavier than I ever imagined.
Grief didn’t just bring sorrow; it shattered my sense of time. Days blurred. Nights felt endless. Awake, I felt nothing—just frozen, aware of the loss but unable to cry. But in sleep, it was different. Memories surfaced in dreams that wouldn’t let me go. I kept seeing her, reliving our moments, making it impossible to rest.
That’s what grief does. It distorts time, holding us in the past, trapping us between knowing reality and refusing to accept it.
Finding Meaning in Time and Grief
Grief reshapes time, but in its depths, we search for meaning—trying to reconcile the past with a present that feels incomplete. The pain of loss may never fully disappear, but with time, we learn to carry it differently.
Some find comfort in embracing memories, preserving their loved ones through stories, letters, or keepsakes. Others turn to rituals—lighting a candle, visiting a special place, or performing prayers—to bridge the distance between past and present. These acts remind us that love transcends time.
Different cultures view grief and time in unique ways. In Japan, the philosophy of mono no aware—the awareness of impermanence—teaches that beauty lies in fleeting moments. Meanwhile, in Mexican culture, Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) serves as a reminder that the deceased are never truly gone as long as they are remembered.
The Lessons Grief Teaches Us About Time
Cherishing Time: Never Letting Moments Slip Away
We often take time for granted, assuming there will always be another conversation, another visit. But grief teaches a painful truth—time is not guaranteed. We must learn to be present, to truly see and appreciate our loved ones before they become memories.
No success, no deadline, no ambition is worth more than the warmth of those who love us. Because in the end, it’s not missed calls or unread messages that will haunt us—it’s the moments we never made time for.
Letting Go of Guilt
Loss often brings regret. We think of words left unsaid, love left unexpressed, and moments we didn’t cherish enough. But grief is not meant to be a punishment—it is proof that we loved deeply.
Healing does not mean forgetting; it means accepting that not everything was in our hands. We cannot rewrite the past, but we can honor those we’ve lost by carrying their kindness and warmth into the world.
Grief and Time in Literature and Film
Many stories capture how grief distorts time. In literature, books like A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness explore how a child’s grief makes time feel surreal. Films like Manchester by the Sea depict how grief suspends people in the past, making it nearly impossible to engage with the present. These narratives show us that grief is universal yet deeply personal, shaping how we move through time.
Conclusion: Living with Time, Not Against It
Grief strips away our illusions about time, revealing its true nature—unpredictable, fleeting, yet immeasurably precious. It shows us that while time moves with or without us, we can choose how to fill it.
Losing someone reminds us that love does not fade with time—it transcends it. The people we lose remain in our stories, in the lessons they taught us, and in the love they left behind.
Grief does not break time; it reshapes it. And though we cannot pause or rewind, we can learn to move forward—not by leaving the past behind, but by carrying the love of those we’ve lost with us, always.
As the Mahabharata says:
“Time is merely the transformation of actions, yet the world believes it to be the doer.” (Source)
Time itself does not take; it simply moves. It is we who must decide how to fill it—whether with regret for what’s lost or with love for what remains.