Valentines Break Ups

When I think of Valentines, I think of the usual – roses, chocolates, and mediocre, obligatory, (but consensual), post-date sex. Not that I can really relate to any of these things, but hey, I’m going to talk about them like I can. The one thing we very rarely think about around Valentines, is Valentines break-ups. Do these even exist? Do people really do this to another person? Unfortunately, yes. 

On the list of worst holidays to get dumped on, Valentines is pretty high up there.  Think about it. Valentines Day is just that – one day, a mere 24 hours. All the way up until 12 a.m. on February 14th and again after 11:59 p.m., you're free to send as many breakup texts as you like, within reason, but those 24 hours are sacred. Personally, I’d avoid break-ups the week of Valentines. But again, an inexperienced person talking here. Anyways, use these days to send your partner cheap flowers, handmade cards, Dealz bought chocolates, and nothing else. No bad vibes. 

Don't try to convince me that the relationship has run its course and the breakup was inevitable, either. If that were really the case, you could have easily ended things before Valentine's Day rolled around. You have no one but yourself to blame for this unfortunate situation and now, you'll just have to pay the price of sticking it out for one. more. day. 

But am I still going to help those of you considering it? Of course I am, because that’s what I’m here for.  

Breaking Up Before Valentine’s Day - Pros: 

Your break-up talk will be received much more calmly and clearly – Hopefully. 

Think about it; if you break up with your significant other after Valentine's Day, then your (former) SO will be more focused on how wrong it was of you to put on a charade out of pity instead of acknowledging the issues you both have. Breaking up before Valentine's Day will ensure the blame doesn't automatically fall on you — and that the real reason won't fall on deaf ears either. 

You will save money 

What? It's not insensitive — it's a fact. You won't have to buy that present anymore... or I guess you could as a consolation prize. Mmm... best not to rub it in. 


It’s just plain mean 

By this point, he or she has probably already made dinner reservations, gotten you a present, and depending on how obvious your body language has been, is trying to make this year extra special for you out of insecurities spurred by your recent distance. Ouch, but true. This will likely make it harder for you to find the right words when trying to let him or her down easy before V-Day. 

You are risking spending Valentine's Day alone... and a possible relapse 

Even though you were strong enough to end things a few days earlier, it doesn't mean you can fight the urges to get back together with them on the day of love. Unhealthy relationships are often compared to addiction, right? And, obviously, the two of you are breaking up because it's not best for you to be together. Well, part of recovery is falling back into old comfortable bad habits, which means a late-night drunken snapchat could bring you back to square one — and then you have to find a new exit strategy all over again. 


Breaking-Up After Valentines – Pros: 

You have more time to practice your break-up speech 

Congratulations procrastinators, you've managed to put off the inevitable yet again. Use this time wisely and practice what it is you're going to say when the time finally does come to end things. 

You give your current someone-special a last chance to convince you your relationship can work 

Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend will make an effort to show you they are serious about making some of the changes you've brought up before. 


Get ready for a night of faking it 

There’s no Oscar waiting for you at the end of your dinner-date performance, though the lines you brought to life from your notes app really sounded natural: "I love you to the moon and back too, babe. Pfft yeahh, I've never been happier either. It's like I can't remember what life was like before we met..." Pfftt, you could hit Broadway Theatre with that live-action BS tomorrow. 

You may end up picking a fight at the most inopportune times, like on the bus en route to your date 

Anything and everything will annoy you, and will result in a fight or just some show of aggression. Like that woman who accidently hit you with her shopping bag, and your partner not caring? “Obviously, you don’t care enough about me, and I'm tired of feeling inadequate and stuff, soooo it's over." (Bad. Just, bad.) 


I mean, I wouldn’t do it. I’d wait a few days before or after. But again, inexperienced single and alone person speaking here. 

But am I wrong for wanting to believe in love and the day set aside to celebrate it? Maybe, but before you break up with me on Valentine's Day, or any day for that matter, know that I am an excellent gift-giver and you're only hurting yourself.