They suck. Just kidding!
Long distance relationships are just like any other relationship, they take commitment and effort, and in this case possibly a train journey or flight.
Given the rise in social media, online dating apps/websites and the fact that more people are travelling now for college and work more than ever, it is very likely that you could fall for someone who is not from your hometown, county or even country!
Should you let this deter you from pursuing them? No! Absolutely not! Even relationships that start close to home may end up apart for a year or two due to J1’s, Erasmus’, postgraduate courses or work acquired abroad. According to StatisticBrain, 32.5% of all college relationships are long distance, meaning you cannot rule out the possibilities for yourself either. Would you want to leave your boyfriend/girlfriend for the sake of a 4 hour journey between you?
I may not be a love expert but I did spend my first year in college in a long-distance relationship with my (still) boyfriend and I have several friends who are currently, in long distance relationships. We all survive and I wanted to share with you the trials and tribulations being in a long-distance relationship.
It will be hard at first.
Change is uncomfortable in general. So, changing the dynamic of your relationship or starting into a long distance relationship is going to be difficult and often, disconcerting. If you are used to seeing someone on a regular basis and suddenly you can only meet once a month or less, you will feel it. It’s like giving up a bad habit, at first you will get strong cravings and feel irritable or uneasy, but after a while you accept it and it becomes your new normal. You will feel the loss of their presence physically but you will find new ways of strengthening your bonds both emotionally and mentally. Give yourself time to adjust and surround yourself with people and things that make you feel good about yourself.
You will miss them, a lot.
The old saying really is true, ‘distance makes the heart fonder’. Literally all you will want to do is hold them. All of the time. You will miss everything about them, every last annoying habit and flaw. It’s not all bad though, as this really heightens your sense of appreciation for your significant other. As humans, we tend to have different coping mechanisms, and while some will prefer to keep busy and limit their contact with their partner, others will spend most of their free time keeping up to date with their partner, whether through phone/video calls or instant messaging/snapchat. It is perfectly normal to cry or feel vulnerable. I used to cry after spending the weekend together, knowing I wouldn’t see him again for a month or so. I could be so happy and have had the most wonderful date, but the emotions build up and bubble over. I just wanted more time.
Make plans. Lots of plans.
Having a set date in the near or distant future where you will see one another is crucial. Before you leave each other’s company, decide on the next time you will meet. This may sound a bit OTT or obsessive but trust me it will make things a lot easier. You need to have some sense of stability at the core of your relationship and you need to feel wanted by the other. There’s no use waiting around hoping they will offer to meet up the EXACT weekend you’re off work, you need to tell them what your schedule is like and allow them time to make suitable arrangements in advance. Not everyone can afford to book a last minute flight or skip classes to visit midweek. Make suggestions, make plans and get excited to spend quality time together. It’s not so much about what you do that matters as how often.
Have rituals. Daily, weekly, monthly.
One thing that is common in modern relationships and extremely valuable in LDRs, are daily messages such as “Good Morning”, “Hope you’re having a great day!”, “Thinking of you”, “Good Night”, etc. These simple statements reinforce the idea that you are present in their mind throughout the day and that you are important to them. Even if you are both offline for hours on end due to other commitments, by simply updating your partner with a photo or nice message you will automatically make them feel closer to you and spike their dopamine levels for an instant smile. It is an extremely powerful tool to create rituals or traditions that are unique to you as a couple. Using original phrases to express your thoughts or feelings, tagging each other in posts and memes or sharing selfies and videos of your daily activities are a few things that can keep your relationship fresh. Be as personal and creative as you want, using the many platforms for communication available to you. Who knows, you may unleash your inner romantic and start writing love letters to keep for decades to come!
Keep things in Perspective
For most of you, college will make up less that 5% of your lifetime and yet it is the time in your life you will learn the most about yourself. Now is the time to try new things, make mistakes, learn from those and then make even more mistakes. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself if things don’t work out- a year is nothing but a lesson, a story, a memory or an experience in the grand scheme of things. Don’t base your decisions on other people’s opinions alone. if a relationship is making you crazy happy, then it shouldn’t matter what the distance is or what anyone says about it. Alternately, if a relationship is making you miserable, you may need to take a rain-check. Prioritise what really matters to you at this point in your life and I’m positive you’ll make the right choice for you.
Here’s a song by Christina Perri called Distance that really captures the essence of everything I’ve mentioned above.
I hope you enjoyed my piece!
Maeve Gallardo Gallagher
X
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash