Breakups. They’re part of life and something that everyone is going to have to deal with at some point. Growing up we’re all given this idea that the only effective way to get over a breakup is to eat a pint of ice-cream and cry hysterically for a couple of days and the emerge perfectly okay, but this isn’t how I’ve found it. Breakups come in waves, and at first, they are tsunami’s! Then, thankfully, it gets more good than bad. If you’re looking for solace in the form of a quick-fix guide to how to get over a breakup, you’ve come to the wrong place. However, these are some things that I wish someone had told me at the beginning of my first breakup.
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Do what you need to do.
Okay, the tsunami part. This is particularly bad during your first breakup. It can literally feel like your world is ending and I don’t think you can fully understand how horrible this part can be unless you’ve been through it. It’s so important to do what you need to do to feel as okay as possible during this stage. If this involves eating a pint of ice cream, go for it. If it involves downloading tinder, download it. If it involves crying into a pint in the college bar, you do that. During this stage do whatever you can to make yourself feel as okay as you possibly can and it’s the perfect stage to exploit that “treat yo’self” motto. Once you’re not doing anything self-destructive it’s okay to do what you feel you need to do. It’s also best at this point to limit your contact with your ex. Something that I have to stress is that you must whole-heartedly avoid going to their social media pages to see what they’re up to regardless of how tempting it may be, you won’t see anything that will help you.
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Don’t let other people dictate how you should or shouldn’t feel.
Breakups can be so confusing, and your head can feel like a melting pot of a million thoughts. It’s so hard to decide how you feel about the entire situation, and input from those closest to you can be really unhelpful. It’s impossible to understand the ins and outs of someone else’s relationship, which is why it’s so easy to comment as a spectator. When you aren’t involved, you aren’t invested. Throwaway comments relating to someone else’s relationship may go unnoticed while still together but, when a breakup is fresh, cutting commentary is the last thing anyone wants to hear. Make up your mind for yourself and if friends comment on your ex or your relationship, just remember that they weren’t part of it
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Move at your own pace.
According to Charlotte York from Sex and the City, it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them. In my humble opinion, that is rubbish. Only you can decide when you’re ready to get over your ex and get with someone else. There is no acceptable or unacceptable timeline that you should abide by, all you need to do is trust how you’re feeling and do what you feel happy with doing. Some people are ready the day after a breakup, some people don’t look at another person for months and both of these options are okay! Oftentimes friends may put you under pressure to go out and move on as soon as possible, or they may even judge you for moving on too quickly. Sometimes it feels as if you can’t make the right decision regardless of what you decide to do. Just remind yourself that you are your own person and will do what feels right when it feels right.
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It’s okay to miss them.
The waves will come, and you will miss them. The worst part about breakups is the fact that you lose your best friend as well as your significant other in one fell swoop. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t sometimes miss aspects of that person. But you were a whole person before you met them, and you continue to be a whole person without them. Relationships end for a reason. If you were the person who instigated the breakup, write down what made you do it. Then if you ever have a weak moment where you want to message them and beg them to take you back, you can remind yourself why that isn’t the best idea for you. If you were broken up with, you should make a list of all the things that they will miss out on by deciding to end the relationship. You deserve someone who wants to be with you with every inch of their being, and if your ex isn’t that person that is their mistake. After a breakup, you’re just one step closer to finding the person that appreciates you in your entirety!
Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash