The Worst Kind of Breakup

Everyone talks about how hard a breakup is. You had this person who was a huge part of your life, suddenly not be in it anymore. But they always assume that when you say ‘breakup’, you’re talking about a romantic partner. 

I’ve had my share of friendship breakups, both the explosive kind that turn into dramatic stories that could be movies. And the silent ones, where you drift apart until you no longer feel the urge to text them. And both hurt in a soul sucking, never want to leave my bed kind of way but society doesn’t acknowledge them or the hurt caused by them 

Romantic connections are idolized to an obscene point. Most media has a romantic subplot even if it’s unrelated. It took me a long time to realize just how often we are pushed into romantic connections by society. We are thought of as incomplete without one. It’s the very thing that tells us that friendships and relationships are supposed to feel entirely different. But in actuality, they aren’t. You’re partner is also your friend. And if they are so similar, why would the endings be any different? 

All this to say, I’ve been thinking about the disastrous friendship ending I went through last year. I remember feeling stuck in this sadness for months. How was I supposed to move on when someone who I thought would be in my life forever chose to cut me out?

That’s the main difference between a romantic and a platonic breakup; the idea of longevity. Call me sadistic but when I think of romantic relationships, I’m always reminded of their eventual ending. Someone cheats, different paths, long distance, divorce, it all paints the picture of the relationship having an expiry date. With friendships, they are seen as lifelong. You meet them in the first quarter of your life and stay connected until the end. They see and help you through every romantic breakup and are at your wedding. Additionally, the distance and lack of constant communication doesn’t lessen your bond. My dad has a friend whom he sees twice a year but they’ve been friends for 30+ years. That’s exactly how I see friendships, and when someone is my best friend, I don’t see an impending ending. 

And maybe that’s why it hurts so much more when they end, because I wasn’t expecting it. It didn’t even occur that it could possibly end. They had always been there; why wouldn’t they continue to be? 

But exactly like a romantic breakup, one day I woke up and got over the hurt. It was freeing and bittersweet. It’s been so long now that I couldn’t remember little details anymore; things we talked about, her favourite colour, inside jokes. And I stopped hating her for making a choice I could never understand, choosing a partner over a best friend. 

If you’re going through the same thing, remember it does get better. You still have the memories and can keep the photos but the feelings change. You lost someone too, someone who you thought of as permanent in your life. Just remember, the people who are meant to be in your life will be in it. So give yourself grace and let it hurt. Because one day you’ll move on and meet a new best friend.