The most romantic day of the year has come and gone, and as the rose-tinged glow of Valentine’s Day fades with the wilting red roses, some of us may be re-evaluating and questioning our relationships.
Valentine’s Day is regarded as one of the annual occasions, along with birthdays and Christmas where we may feel pressure to remain in an unhappy partnership due to the sentimentality of the day.
However, if the voice in the back of your heard and that niggling feeling in your heart telling you that something is not right remains, it may be time to end things with your significant other. How to know if it’s time to cut them loose? Here’s a guide to relationship red flags everybody should watch out for.
You notice a change in your self-esteem.
When your partner does not reflect your value and worth back to you, it can be hard to see it for yourself. Even the most confident of us need validation and support from our loved ones sometimes, and if your partner is not giving you the appreciation you deserve then it might be influencing your self-esteem.
Rather than moving forward and forging a stronger connection, you may feel insecure and anxious as a result, and when seeking reassurance from your partner to fulfil your needs there may be little room for real growth. A good relationship will build you up, not knock you down.
Friends and family don’t like your partner.
Rose-tinted lenses can be very deceptive, and if the people who love you and know you so well believe there is something ‘off’ about this person, you may need to listen to what they’re saying.
Often when we are in the throes of a new romance, hearing criticism about your partner will not be welcome, but you can trust the outsiders’ perspective of those who want the best for you. At least hear them out and then form a judgement of your own.
Controlling behaviour
Following on, a partner may try to make you choose between them and the other people in your life as an expression of ‘love’. They may be jealous of your other relationships, especially friendships with the opposite sex, and they try to limit your world to allow in only what they see fit.
If they don’t respect your boundaries or try to undermine you by making you feel guilty, this is an example of gaslighting, and is a form of emotional abuse. Gaslighting in any form is not just a red flag but a huge banner, and you should try to get out of this relationship immediately.
You don’t trust each other.
Trust is a fundamental foundation of a relationship, without which all else will crumble. If you don’t trust your partner it can leave you feeling constantly stressed, worried and upset. On the other side of that, you may feel like you are being constantly monitored, restricted and suffocated if your partner does not trust you.
When a person has difficulty being honest with themselves, it may be hard for them to be honest with you. While a fear of vulnerability and opening up may be a learned coping behaviour, if you feel that you are being lied to, it’s a no-brainer.
It can be very easy to pick out toxic relationships from the outside, but often red flags are more subtle and easily forgiven, and you may find yourself ignoring toxic behaviour. It’s important for you to be able to notice the red flags in your relationship and to deal with them appropriately and decide if this relationship causes more harm than good.