I once heard the analogy that “if you took my brain out and placed it in a glass of still water, it would fizz up like a barroca” and since then I don’t think I have ever related to anything more. I am nothing if not a CHRONIC oversharer, and this does not have limitations, no matter the person I will always find myself in a situation where I will overshare, be way too TMI, spilling my secrets and personal thoughts or simply just start talking away for the sake of filling the silence. And best believe this doesn’t stop there because my social butterfly self will not only overshare in English but I have been known and shamed in doing so in any language I can, whether it was my god awful waffle in my leaving cert French oral to my examiner about how lonely and scared I am for my future (this one haunts me daily), When I had both Swedish AND German students plagued with my over the top and mildly grotesque stories on my Erasmus trips or even the fact I am studying my diplomacy in Irish, there is truly no escaping my oversharing.
Now truthfully, like most superpowers, it comes with its own kind of kryptonite. I think there are both positives and negatives to being an oversharer. At its best, sharing is deeply human. It allows people to bond through common struggles, triumphs, and emotions. When we open up about our lives, we create space for empathy and mutual understanding and I also know I wouldn’t have had half the successes in making and maintaining friendships as I have if it wasn’t for my oversharing and ability to make a joke of myself with the people I meet. But on the other hand, Instead of strengthening connections, oversharing can make interactions feel awkward, unbalanced, or even invasive, especially when the listener has not yet earned the trust and often, I’ve walked away from a conversation replaying every word in my head, wondering why I said so much, and cursing myself for my inability to stop talking. There’s nothing quite like that post-conversation cringe, the kind that makes you bury your face in a pillow and vow to “be more mysterious next time.” Spoiler: I never am.
Thankfully I have learned a thing or two with all of my cringe and TMI moments. Learning how to set boundaries around what we share and with whom is essential for maintaining healthy, balanced relationships. A useful concept for understanding this balance is earned insight . The idea behind earned insight is that personal sharing should develop gradually as trust deepens over time. Not everyone in our lives or people we meet by chance deserves access to our most private experiences. Intimacy and insight is something that must be built and earned, not given away freely. When we share too much too soon, we risk exposing ourselves emotionally to people who may not value or respect our openness.
I have also learnt that in friendships, this balance is especially important. Healthy friendships thrive on honesty, but also on boundaries. I feel with the rise of social media many people equate deep friendship with total transparency, believing they must reveal everything to prove closeness especially with app settings like ‘close friends’ and ‘private stories’. Yet, constant emotional dumping or unfiltered disclosure can overwhelm others and create one-sided dynamics. A good friend listens, but they are not a therapist. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m going through something, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” Such statements are still authentic, they show trust without demanding emotional labour from others before they’re ready to give it. Boundaries in friendship protect both people and make the relationship more sustainable in the long run, even though it can seem hard or sometimes cruel to set them, the long term effect is so much worth it.
I’m not going to pretend I’ve cured my oversharing tendencies. They’re as much a part of me as my accent or my terrible sense of direction. But now, when I catch myself mid-ramble, oversharing to fill a silence or to seem more relatable, I try to pause and ask: Am I sharing this to connect, or just to cope? Sometimes the answer stops me; other times, it doesn’t. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t to become guarded or secretive, it’s simply to be intentional.
Oversharing, for all its cringe-worthy moments, has taught me more about empathy, communication, and self-awareness than any class or schoolbook ever could. It’s made me a better listener, a more reflective friend, and a person who knows that connection doesn’t require complete transparency, just sincerity. Maybe my brain will always fizz up like a Berocca in still water, but at least now, I’m learning to keep a lid on the glass when I need to.
Anyways lets come back to this article a few months down the line when I’m sure I’ll have shared way too much detail about my acne obsession or how I’ve also done something beyond mortifying to try relate to whatever cool girl I’m talking to.