Let me start by saying that this comes from someone who’s been single since 2022; rejecting, being rejected, catching the ick, enduring endless low-effort Hinge profiles and even crying over men I couldn’t have called my boyfriend. So why bring this up? If you’ve been just as chronically online as I have this past week, you’ve probably heard all the buzz around Chanté Joseph’s Vogue article ‘Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?’. This explores how many women now view public displays of relationships as cringeworthy or uncool. Women are increasingly obscuring partners or avoiding posts altogether, making singlehood feel empowering and aspirational while challenging traditional heteronormative expectations. While I may be a judgmental singleton, it’s also made me reflect on what these shifting cultural attitudes say about how we as women navigate love, independence and self-worth. Which upon in-depth thinking, is a question that hits closer to home than I care to admit.
Honestly, I think social media is what makes relationships so appealing to us women. Many of you reading this will probably agree that seeing all those posts of sweet, thoughtful gifts and gestures from boyfriends sparks a bit of envy in us singletons. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be spoiled by an attractive man? But let me shift your perspective with a little shower thought I’ve had.
If we cast our minds back to the early 2000s (before social media existed) our ideas of love mostly came from the people around us or from fictional stories. Back when Patrick Verona was the standard (fictional, but still starring in fantasies). When single people back then went home, they could shut themselves off from love and relationships from the outside world. Whereas nowadays, you can come home after listening to your bestie rant about her toxic boyfriend for the millionth time, only to scroll through Snapchat and see the same couple drama play out again. Then come the anniversary posts, boyfriend appreciation pics, someone complaining about their relationship on their private story and a cinematically edited video of a couple displaying their love for the whole world to endure.
Here’s where my shower thought kicks in: what do we and the women of the early 2000s have in common when it comes to sourcing our love fantasies? They all come from a screen. Sure, modern relationship posts might seem more realistic than the rom-coms of the early 2000s, but what do people do in front of
a camera? They perform. Penny from your literacy seminar is hardly going to post the photo where her boyfriend looks miserable or skip uploading the fiftieth take of a dance she made him do. So doesn’t it make you wonder whether these supposedly real social media posts are just another form of fiction; crafted to be admired and envied? Is this façade really worth being jealous of or is it just a bit embarrassing watching people keep it up online?
Now let’s completely shift and narrow our focus to the main perpetrator … men. I feel like there’s a growing number of them who have started to believe they’re the prize thanks to the rise of content creators like Andrew Tate; who preach that modern feminist women are somehow the problem simply because we don’t fit into their outdated ideal of a submissive, docile, dependent housewife. These so-called “high-value men” have built an entire identity around entitlement, ego and double standards, using conservative rhetoric as an excuse for poor behaviour and a lack of emotional maturity. Instead of being selfless, sweet or even just decent, many of them now wear their arrogance like a badge of honour.
But here’s the thing: women aren’t putting up with it anymore. Heteronormative expectations once told us to settle, to be grateful for any man who chose us, but that narrative doesn’t hold the same power now. We’ve realised it’s better to be single than to be treated poorly by a man who’s been brainwashed into thinking empathy makes him weak. So maybe that’s why having a boyfriend feels embarrassing these days, because proudly dating this type of man isn’t a flex; it’s a MAJOR red flag.
At the end of the day, being single isn’t the tragedy it’s made out to be; it’s a quiet rebellion against the pressure to perform love for an audience. We’re finally choosing peace, self-respect and emotional stability over curating perfect couple aesthetics and entertaining self-proclaimed “high-value” men. So yes, having a boyfriend is embarrassing, especially when he’s more for the feed than for you.