This week has been a challenging one for the women of Ireland. We lost another woman to male violence, Ashling Murphy. Each time something like this happens, we vow it to be the last time. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been the case in Ireland. Since 1996, 255 women have been killed at the hands of a man. We can hold vigils, light candles, and pray for the deceased, but until men start taking responsibility for their actions, Ireland will never be a safe place for women.
For Ireland to become a safer place for women, we must obviously figure out the solution. Taking a quick glance, you might say ‘Women, don’t go out after dark, hold your keys between your fingers, buy this panic button’, but the root of the problem is a huge attitude shift needed. Instead of placing the blame and responsibility on women to not get murdered, it’s time we blame men for killing women and make them change their attitudes.
The most obvious way to start this cultural change is to talk to your male friends/siblings, to get men talking. It is vital that we pull men up on their toxic behaviour. This can be through calling someone out when they make derogatory comments about women, catcall women or leer at a woman. The key is to ensure they realise it is an extremely harmful thing to do and that this is often only the start.
This brings us to the fact that most attitudes towards women start with those throwaway comments. The ones that friend excuse, saying ‘oh you know he’s only messing,’ ‘he’s sound once you get to know him’ or generally egging each other on.
This leads to the stares that aren’t concentrated on our face, but our chest, those inappropriate lower back touches we know so well, and much more. There is a direct correlation between these actions and more harmful ones, such as rape and assault. If these first comments aren’t pulled up on, it allows men to believe it is okay to say these things. But it is never right, to make abusive comments about women and about women’s bodies.
Instead, we need men to be the person in the group that those who make distasteful comments would call a killjoy, no fun, he who can’t take a joke. It is your turn to be that person, because women have been that person for our entire lives, and we are the ones the comments are directed at. Be the killjoy, the sensitive person, because while it seems uncool to be so ‘PC,’ it is showing us you have respect for us.
This is the first step to making the world a safe place for women, and the most important step. Being called out on harmful catcalling is the only way men will realise just how much it affects women, and how much it desperately needs to stop. Before another woman is killed.