So, guys and gals, I’m currently in the process of getting over my ex and rebounding…even though it’s not the best idea. Especially when your first experience of rebound sex was how do I put this lightly??
‘The Worst Sex Ever!’
I do appreciate the statement “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” which is what my mother told me while dropping me outside the gates of Electric Picnic. So, this may be more serious and less witty than my previous articles. But I’ll try I promise!
Love is shit and cruel sometimes, let me just put that out there. And let’s face it; breakups are about as fun as food poisoning and they can cause even the most cool, calm and collected gal to curl into a fetal position on the floor for days. If you’ve recently gone from coupledom to splits-city, like myself, then this will apply to you.
We’ve all been there, we all will be there. You’re miserable when you’re not in love and you’re even more miserable when you’re in love with someone who no longer loves you. Personally, I’ve been in love with someone who no longer loves me for some time now. Only during the last few weeks I’ve begun to move on and lose the previous feelings. I’ve been taking care of myself and surrounding myself with friends and family and during this process I’ve come to realise what my ex is really like as a person and he’s not a nice guy. Lots of you will know him, but I am not revealing his name. Sorry guys this isn’t my gossip column.
One of the most difficult parts of being in love is having that love end on you. You cry, you feel shattered, and you feel like things will never be okay in the world again. Let me be honest with you here, ladies. I’m twenty years old. I’ve been in love once in my life and have cared about plenty of boys. There are times when I feel like after being hurt so deeply that I’ll never find love again. Sometimes, I even wonder if there’s something wrong with me that I haven’t found proper love like everyone else.
But I then, have to remind myself that there are billions of people in the world, and sarcastically speaking, I will fall in love with someone again.
And being the “love-guru” that I am (or so I like to call myself), I’m going to divulge into the whole getting-over him business and how to come out with your sanity and dignity intact, bad rebound sex and all.
First of all, put that phone down woman and don’t backtrack. I personally think that the 60-day no contact rule should be made mandatory by the government. What is the 60-day no contact rule you ask? Well it’s basically in the name. No contact with your ex for 60 days, and let your friends in on the rule so as to ensure there is no drunk texting, which by the way, didn’t work for me. I somehow manage to keep my phone and send drunken voice clips of me screaming down the phone at him even when he’s in the same room.
Also, if he contacts you, do yourself a favour and don’t pick up. I’ve have fallen victim to the trap:
“Babe I miss you.”
Here’s how that trap goes: Your guy feels a little nostalgic and decides to call you. You answer and get all emotional with him. You fantasize about ending up in bed together. You think you’ll get back together, but then you realize it’s a finished relationship and once again is out of your life. You’re devastated again (even harder this time).
Just don’t answer the phone or contact him. Period.
So now, you’ve had 58 days of being a strong independent woman (My inner Michelle Obama is coming out) – the mess is behind you. Ask yourself: is it really worth going back? In your gut you’ll know the answer. Make it your mission to give yourself a purpose – rather than just pining for your ex. Like joining Clubs and Societies, getting involved in things and surrounding yourself with friends. For me, surrounding myself with friends and family helped so much. And If I’m being 100% honest, joining Her Campus DCU has helped me so much. I feel like I have a purpose and I am actually good at something, and part of a whole new family.
Secondly, it’s not enough that you don’t answer the phone; you must stop looking at him! Delete him from your Facebook page so you don’t have to see him anymore. Remove all those old pictures of him from your phone and take his photos off your shelves. You cannot look at him. My ex damn near killed me when he ended our relationship. I thought for sure my heart would shatter into a million pieces and I’d never love again. Even now, seeing a picture of him makes me cringe a little inside. If I looked at his picture every day, every memory we ever made together would come flooding back and I’d never heal.
So, do yourself a favour and put his image away for good. Lock those photos in the closet and forget about him. Or what I did, was put all his things into a Victoria Secrets bag so when I see it anytime I just think “Oh sexy underwear, treat yo’self”.
On the subject of rebound sex, I had a bad experience but that’s not always the case. But some important pointers to remember when considering rebound sex are:
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Don’t jump from guy to guy.
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Protect yourself. (Safe sex is the best sex guys. You don’t want mini versions of your rebound running around. Also, STI’s)
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Don’t have revenge sex…it’ll make you feel like crap and really lower your self-esteem.
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Deal with the loss of your old relationship first.
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Be sensitive.
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Make your intentions clear. (sexually and also your intentions on having some of the blankets when you fall asleep after sex, rather than lying blanket-less on the bed with them all wrapped up and cosy).
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Most importantly, give yourself time. “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else” – RuPaul “Can I get an Amen?”
So, guys and dolls, you are learning a lot about my pathetic excuse for a love life. And for all those wondering…I do fancy the pants of someone else at the moment. So, things do get better and life goes on. It’s hard at the beginning, but if I could get through it, anyone can!
Side note: if someone’s ex is spreading rumours about them, they are 9/10 time not true. Yes, I have one of those ex’s.
So that’s me done, and I am now on the prowl for some amazing rebound sex.
Happing rebounding xoxo
*mic drop*
Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash