Friendships are one of those relationships that we have all been blessed with in our lives. It might be with the cousin we were forced to play with as a child, or the new person you met on the first day of school. Whoever you count as a friend, this article will relate to you. As friendship falls under the umbrella of relationships, it can come with its struggles. Arguments, disagreements, loyalty issues … to name a few. One thing that is vital for a lot of relationships is having balanced give and take. The lines can sometimes be blurred in relation to this, but here is how to know the right amount to give and take in a friendship.
Give and take is a funny concept really. We usually measure what we do with what someone else does, and if it’s not equal, then we see a problem. While equality can be a good way to measure this, sometimes circumstances are different and these amounts may change. Firstly, you need to observe the situation. Do you or your friend need extra from the other due to a disruption in life or something bad happening? Are you the friend that needs to examine and recognise this, without having to be told something is wrong? Good friends will be able to read each other and adjust the give and take depending on what is happening. It is a flexible matter and does not have one way of functioning.
Let’s break it down a bit. If we look at giving, it can sometimes be a rewarding process but also can be draining. When a friend really needs you, you give all that you can to help, with the hope that they would reciprocate this if you ever needed it. This is a situation where you are happy to help and eager to do whatever you can. Sometimes though, giving can be draining, especially when you are the only one doing so. It is always nice to be there for someone, but when they are using all of your energy, it can be no harm to make sure you take time for yourself. If your friendship is strong, you can be honest and explain this. Sometimes we don’t realise we are pulling out of someone, it happens to us all! In other cases, you might have to briefly take a step back. This doesn’t mean you’re not there for that person, it just means you are not giving all your resources to one source at that moment in time.
Taking. It sounds like a bad word, being greedy, but this is not necessarily true. It can be easy to take, especially when you are in need. A shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen or someone to hug. In some cases, with whatever is making us feel the need for this care and attention, we can lose sight of the fact that we are taking energy and strength from someone without giving any back. Like I said earlier, this is what friends do for each other, but it’s good to check in every now and then and reflect. Am I just taking or am I even giving something back? This person is being my friend in a time of need, but am I still ensuring I am their friend too? It is okay to take when you need to. We all need a little bit of ‘take’ sometimes, once we don’t go overboard with it! It doesn’t mean your friendship is one-sided, when you need extra support you can take it.
In the end, a strong friendship can withstand anything. But, it is important to be conscious of what we bring to the relationship and the dynamic that works. Give and take is not set at a certain limit, it fluctuates depending on the situation. It is a flexible aspect of any friendship. The main thing is to be able to reflect every now and then and, if there is some unbalance, re-adjust the way things are. It is hard to always get it right but that’s okay.