Ever since I moved to Ireland a couple of months ago, I’ve gotten the question, “Are you homesick?” And up until yesterday, the answer had always been “no.” I grew up going to sleepover camp and staying at my grandparents’ for weekends away. I was used to ‘taking a break’ from regular life, so moving here was not much of a difference. Yes, I am now halfway around the world from my family, but it has never really felt like they are far away.
All of this to say, I’m really missing them and my old life right now. Maybe it’s because I’m sick and I become a self-pitying wallower when I’m not feeling well. Or maybe the homesickness has finally hit me. And so I’ve been doing what every rational person would do: avoiding my problems by being busy.
It’s November, which means finals are around the corner and all of my projects are due right now. I’ve been seeing friends and going to society events as well. But when I came back from a weekend trip, all I wanted was to be back at my old school, with my friends and my family only a short bus ride away.
So I decided to bake.
I’ve been baking a batch of cookies every week for the past seven years. I had one recipe that I made so often and shared with so many people that it became known as ‘Maya’s cookies,’ even though I hadn’t created the recipe. Baking has always been an escape for me, a break from responsibilities and a way to relax. The excitement of trying a new recipe or the repetitive motion of mixing the batter is something that helps me calm down. And even though I have a love-hate relationship with my current kitchen, on Monday night, I sat down, put on a show, and started making a batch.
It was nice to do something that reminded me of home and brought about a semblance of normalcy, a reminder of my regular life. It helped calm my otherwise saddened spirit by performing an act of self-love. I was reminded of the countless times I had done this before: for friends’ birthdays, to prepare for the upcoming week, to show thanks to someone, or to make friends on my floor in first-year university.
I can’t magically fly home tomorrow and go back to my old life. But doing something that brings me joy and comfort helped remind me that this is my new life, and it’s a pretty good one. Even though I feel different, like a changed person with fewer close friends and farther away from family than ever before, some things never change. Because warm cookies always taste good, no matter where you are.