From Coppers to College

So you have a 9 am lecture but you’ve only arrived in from your night out at 5? No hangover means no problems, so I am going to tell you my 5 fool proof tips on how to have a productive day after a night on the session.

First step, you’ll need to wake up. Do you feel sick? Oh, yeah don’t worry, that’s just the 4 Jägerbombs for a tenner that you bought yourself and then poured into a pint glass so you wouldn’t have to go back to the bar for about an hour. Next of course, you’ll do the usual googling of ‘can hangovers kill you?’, and then accept your fate that unfortunately they don’t and you will have to deal with this.

Secondly, we must assume that you are near a shower…use it. Whether you have made it home or just stumbled out of a taxi into your crushes apartment (obviously not forgetting that you had to scale the gates of their accommodation first because you weren’t booked in) …cheeky enough, there will be a shower for you. Now, have you taken your makeup of? Probably not, so we have a decision here. Are you going to leave the remainder of your winged eyeliner on so people can tell that you were out and hence judge your overall scruffiness, or attempt to take it off and try to look semi human around campus? Also, side note if you don’t have time to wash your hair and no dry shampoo is available, spray deodorant on a hairbrush and work with that for now.

Thirdly, attire wise, you may have a wardrobe full of your own clothes, this is ideal look for a hoodie. A hoodie is your best friend. Throw it on over a pair of your comfiest tracksuit bottoms and there you go; the slug life chose you. On the other hand, if you have to borrow one to wear as a dress over your jack slats covered skirt and crop top well sure grand, your legs are already tanned then from your night before. Hopefully please God you are within walking distance of campus now so you can get some fresh air on the way because mate, if you have to get a bus or something you could well pass out into a comatose state before you arrive at college.

My next tip is to find a shop as fast as possible because at this point you need lucoczade sport. Or as I like to call it, Lucosave, as it literally here saves your life here.  Obviously pick up the €2 bottle as it is a small price to pay for living, and there is also more tastiness in it that the €1 one. Also, I cannot recommend lollipops enough. As they are sugary, they restore the electrolytes that you lost while drinking and because you aren’t actually eating them you don’t feel sick. It is a win-win. My personal favourite is the Chupa Chups apple flavour because it is one of the very few that don’t taste like Sambuca. Is this why bathroom attendants at nightclubs sell lollipops? Maybe those women are guardian angels ready with hairspray and chewing gum for your night out needs but also your hangover cures.

And finally, number five, at this point you should be good to go and ready for the lecture but in case you still feel uneasy, bring a plastic bag around with you for those exceptional emergencies. I wouldn’t recommend the little bags for donuts and other baked goods though from spar as they do have holes in the bottom, which unfortunately, I found by my own experience.

Now go to your classes, have a fabulous day and perk up because you are more than likely going out again tonight.

Thumbnail by Anthony DELANOIX