Some days feel like the best day ever. Nothing could make you feel happier or more special than being around that person or creating memories with them so it’s pretty easy to get hooked. But that of course, is only the good days. Unfortunately, in toxic relationships, there are often more bad days than good days. Even if that’s not the case the good days will never excuse the bad days, nothing will.
The truth is, the hard part about letting go of a toxic relationship is admitting you are in one, because sometimes admitting you are in one means playing a role in it. You ask yourself and often you will convince yourself that you are the issue, that you caused the argument or you fuelled the fire. Worse again you will use the good days to weigh out the bad.
With passion come many other emotions, only passion can heighten and strengthen those emotions which add major toxicity to an already rocky relationship. Blaming this passion on why the toxicity arises is one of the main elements that prolongs the relationship and keeps the fragile bubble from bursting for a little longer. You become addicted to the drama, the ups and downs and the fighting and making up, it all can become natural, normal.
Denial and an unwillingness to accept that this isn’t normal, nor should it be, is the hardest part in escaping from this rut. It’s something that cannot just be decided or forced upon by anyone else but you. The issue is, if you are in a toxic relationship, you are immersed in it. It’s your own world, an intense, scary and sometimes exciting but mostly a roller-coaster ride of emotions kind of world and only you and the other person can really understand the depth of it. At least that’s what you tell yourself.
From the outside looking in it can seem much easier to cut the cord and realise the situation isn’t helping anyone. Yet, from the inside it may seem like there is never a right time or just feel a sense of guilt for being the one to finally walk away and end it.
According to Daniell Koepke (founder of the Internal Acceptance Movement), “You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life”. She explained that it doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance, you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small.
When you think of some of the most iconic love interests in movies or musicals most of them are in highly toxic relationships that are hyped up as extremely passionate and hopelessly romantic gestures. But one would wonder if that’s what makes some feel like their relationship is ‘normal’.
“It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behaviour and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go,” Koepke said.
The movies aren’t real and relationships certainly aren’t either so don’t think because they found a happily ever after means you have to stick around to try and find yours. If a relationship is making you feel any less than you are or making you feel like you are losing yourself in someone else put yourself first and allow yourself the freedom to become your own happy, independent person.
Whether it’s a friend, relative, boyfriend or girlfriend nobody has the right to take control of how you feel on a daily basis from you, especially if it’s in a negative or abusive capacity.
Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash