Over winter break I decided to be a productive person and attend a few exercise classes at my local YMCA. One class that caught my attention was Ballet Barre because it wasn’t at 7 AM looked like a good workout, and so my fellow Davidsonian Abby Peoples and I suited up for our one-hour workout. Here is a running commentary of our experience:
3:00 PM: Why would anyone take a class before noon? Dumb. Wow, there are a lot of moms here. Are Abby and I the youngest people here? This shouldn’t be too bad.
3:01 PM: I need a ball, weights, a mat, and a chair? Are we going to dance like Beyoncé? *hums “Partition”*
3:05 PM: Ok, it’s starting. Plié squats to begin with–that’s not so hard. All these moms look like they robbed a Lululemon store before coming.
3:06 PM: Ohhh, the chair is like the barre. Got it. Exercise my right leg? Totally got this, my legs are pretty strong.
3:07 PM: Wait, you want me to do what with my leg?
3:08 PM: These moms are pretty flexible. And they’re moving their leg a lot faster than me.
3:10 PM: Please dear God, let me put my right leg down. I can’t feel my legs anymore.
3:11 PM: None of the moms have taken a rest yet?! Are their muscles not burning? Don’t. Give. In.
3:12 – 3:17 PM: *repeats exercises with left leg and cries*
3:18 PM: Wow that was horrible. My legs won’t stop shaking. We get to sit in the chair now? Thank God. Wait, with the weights too? No.
3:19 PM: Hmm, exercising while sitting in a chair is not that fun. How does Beyoncé do this?
3:20 PM: I think my arms are going to fall off. I actually think they might. Why did I get 3 lb. weights for this? Stupid stupid.
3:30 PM: I can’t believe we worked out just our arms for TEN WHOLE MINUTES. These people are sick. At least we get to dance like Beyoncé now in our chairs.
3:32 PM: I know I’m doing the exercise wrong, Mom Next To Me. Stop shooting me judgmental looks. Ugh.
3:36 PM: I might pass out. I can’t be #thatgirl. Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out.
3:40 PM: Thank God we get to lie down on the mat now. Abs would be a nice change, phew.
3:42 PM: “Abs would be a nice change,” said no one ever.
3:45 PM: I know the instructor just looked at me when she said we could “modify our push-ups.” I am so offended–that is so unsupportive. I don’t need to modify my push-ups.
3:47 PM: Okay, modified pushups are a lot harder than they look.
3:50 PM: Ten minutes of stretching PTL. I can do this.
3:52 PM: I could totally touch my toes if I wanted to, ok Judgmental Mom? I just don’t want to right now.
3:55 PM: There is NO WAY our instructor had a baby less than a year ago. Just no way.
4:00 PM: I can’t believe that just happened. I might pass out driving myself home.
I left the class with a grudging respect for the Ballet Barre Moms and a new life motto: