Trigger Warning: This article may contain triggering content regarding sexual assault.
When you texted me two weekends ago I didn’t respond for a reason—I was drunk then, too, but I still knew I didn’t want to have sex with you. I don’t feel good about what happened, just so you know. I mean, I guess it’s hard to feel good or bad, especially seeing as I don’t remember. I mean this morning, when you asked me if I was on birth control, I was genuinely surprised.
I just…I guess I thought I would’ve known if someone had sex with me. At least, I thought I should have known if someone had sex with me because sex has always meant something to me. I guess now it doesn’t mean as much anymore. At what point in the night were you watching me stumble over myself and thinking, “She looks like a good time”? I feel like I can’t even complain. I mean, this is partially my fault; I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk, shouldn’t have been so stupid.
How dumb could I be? I don’t even know what happened to my friends. I guess they were drunk, too. I just really wish I could tell you how bad I feel, so you won’t do this to someone else. I have to deal with this now. I had to go to the store and spend twenty dollars on Plan B for sex that I didn’t even want to have. I have to be anxious about whether or not it will work. What if it doesn’t? I’ll be the one to deal with that, too. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t even tell you if I were pregnant. I mean what do you care anyway? It’s not your problem. That would be a really big deal to me and, honestly, I don’t know how I’d deal with it emotionally. I’d probably go by myself because I’m so embarrassed. I’d probably cry on the way home because of how ashamed I am.
What else can I do? I know I probably consented or just didn’t stop you. I wouldn’t press charges, because at the end of the day, I’d probably end up feeling bad about that. Heck, I probably don’t even have a case. I just want you to know that I feel gross in my own body now. I’ve never had a one night stand before and I don’t usually get that drunk. I’m really upset but I’m sure you feel fine, maybe even good. I’m never telling anyone about last night but I’m sure you’ve bragged about it already. I’m not saying you’re a bad person—this is a hookup culture after all. I just hope that next time, you think before you sleep with someone.