I’ve recently come to find myself involved in a thing, the thing being that tricky, often hard to navigate, label-less college relationship. I call it a “thing” because that is exactly what it is. It’s not technically something, but it’s not absolutely nothing either. I couldn’t call it hooking up because that implies that it is only physical. We aren’t dating since we don’t go on dates. I don’t expect the same emotional dependence from him that I would from a boyfriend. And to say that I’m “seeing” him sounds outdated. So what is it? It’s a thing. We are “thinging.”
I like this term for two reasons, the first being that it is accurate in its ambiguity. The second reason is that it allows me to put a label on the relationship that I share with him, even if the label implies no label at all.
The label question is likely a question that anyone who has been in a relationship in college has encountered. How do you talk about that person to other people? And there is no easy way to conduct a label-less relationship since everything is especially dependent on the situation.
There is something about having a label–even if you just use it in your own head–that validates the relationship, makes it at least something. I first started thinking about the “thing” and the benefits of labels after reading Jordana Narin’s essay “No Labels, No Drama, Right?” which completely changed the way that I view relationships and my place as a young woman in them. I linked it so you can read it too. It’s amazing.
In the essay, which you’re going to read, she talks a lot about that guy, and how the relationship without the relationship is ultimately exhausting. But defining a relationship isn’t actually right for every relationship. Luckily, you can define something as a “thing,” putting on an effective label while keeping any desired gray area. And “thinging” is fun.
The word “thing” is best used as such:
“The guy I’m thinging with…” or “we’re thinging” or “it’s a thing.”
So the next time you find yourself trying to talk about a person you are somewhat romantically involved with, I’d recommend calling it a thing, especially if you believe that a label would be beneficial for your own sanity. Let’s all making thinging a thing. Now go read that essay.
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