HoDC: Humans of Davidson College is a series started by HerCampus Davidson to profile members of the community and learn more about their stories.
Our National Coming Out Day Series highlights the significance of National Coming Out Day to the LGBTQ+ members of the Davidson community.
“This is probably my own weird insecurity, and not applicable to anyone else, but when I reflect back on coming out, it makes me feel weak. I don’t look back and feel proud about it. I think ‘Wow, you let this get to you, or you let these people get to you, or you let this idea get to you, and you shouldn’t have.’ It is also this game I am playing in my head where I make things so much more significant than they probably really are. I don’t like that either because it is like I am creating my own personal tragedy. I’m letting myself wallow in this place of discomfort and insecurity and fear, and I’m not sure why. Realizing that I’m doing so makes me feel weak.”
“I had never embarrassed my parents before I came out to them; I had never been a disappointment. I was a good daughter, they were proud of the stuff I was doing. The worst part about all of this is feeling like I embarrassed them, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t make a mistake, I didn’t do anything wrong, this is something I can’t control. But they blame me, and I feel like I have to make it up to them, even though that might be impossible.”
“One of my biggest pet peeves is here at Davidson, people have certain expectations about what it means to be gay. What your life was supposed to me like or how you are supposed to conduct yourself on campus.”
“People hate on Davidson, like they are really nasty. But the idea that Davidson is an exclusive place or that it makes members of minority classes like the LGBT community feel excluded is a crazy thought, and it just shows these people’s own privileged background. There’s constantly this complaining, like ‘What could we do better? Davidson is so terrible, we have to make these people feel included,’ but for so many people this is the most inclusive place they have ever been. This is just the best. I love Davidson, and I can’t imagine a place that is more inclusive or encouraging of students to be themselves and to be open about their gay identity. For people from NYC to come here and be constantly negative about our community and say ‘Davidson is the most exclusive place…we’re in the South, I feel so subordinated here.’ That just shows their own privilege, and it is something they don’t want to own up to because they identify with this minority class and they feel oppressed. In reality they are not oppressed. Like, I come from a really liberal area, but at my school kids hung up signs saying ‘Gay is not Okay!’ That is the normal experience. That is what so many people come to college to escape, to be themselves, and Davidson provides that opportunity in a tremendous and encouraging way. To hear people be so down and negative on our community is heartbreaking, and it makes me think ‘Wow, where the hell did you come from that you can have this attitude. How dare you have this attitude about this school that makes me feel more accepted than I could have ever imagined growing up.’”
“We have these student leaders that are creating a dialogue on campus; they create the story; they are the ones that ultimately define what it means to be gay at Davidson. I think there is a certain type of very loud voice that dominates every sphere at Davidson. There is an accepted stance to take on a lot of issues.”
“In some ways I don’t feel accepted by the queer community or completely included because I don’t always fit into the ‘accepted’ version gay at Davidson. I think people get mad when you deviate from that. I feel like people think I am betraying ‘my people’ when I voice an opinion that differs from the standard. People get mad when I voice opinions that don’t fit into their perfect dialogue of social justice. I think that a lot of people have this picture that they want to present to Davidson and the outside world of ‘gayness!’ They spout all this stuff about it being a spectrum and everyone’s experience being different, but they don’t really mean that because as soon as I say something a little bit out of step, they jump. The number of people who have told me that my politics aren’t ‘queer enough’. Like what? Really? I’m pretty sure that my ‘gayness’ is not related to my politics. Those are different identities and they are both strong and important.”
“I don’t think I will ever be able to forget how I felt after I told them, but I’m trying so hard. Every time I am with them, I try to preserve our relationship because that is what matters. Ultimately I still put them above anybody else.”