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The Grapefruit Method: Post Valentine’s Day Advice

PSA: before reading this consider that you will never think of grapefruits the same again.

Isn’t the grapefruit a cutie? Well…not for long!

Valentines Day just passed and the pressure of having to reenact that perfect sex scene from your favorite rom-com is growing. You know the one that looks like Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass’s in Gossip. Girl. (Example Below)

Is he getting bored? Do you lie there thinking about your lunch for tomorrow? Is the bedroom/couch/dorm futon/fuzzy carpet/back of the car/shower/bath/or kitchen counter just NOT that place of ecstasy anymore? Well our guardian, Auntie Angel, on YouTube is here to save our sex lives and teach us ladies how to spice it up in the whatever-room.

Meet Angel, our Chicago-based sexpert 

The Grapefruit Method is your answer post Valentine’s Day to keep your sex life spicy. Buy your grapefruit at your local grocery store (hurry they might sell out before the holiday!) Urban Dictionary defines the grapefruit method as: A sexual act which involves a split grapefruit with a hole cut in it. You then, while giving a blowjob, move the grapefruit up and down the shaft. This supposedly gives the male receiver more pleasure than a normal blowjob would.

View Angel demonstrate here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM2PwriqOjc

*Pay close attention to the way she deep throats the dildo violently, and then proceeds to speak in a calm informative manner (very inspirational).*

Steps to succeed Grapefruit Style:

1.)  Cut penis-width hole into the center of a grapefruit slice (Angle says about the size of your man’s penis)

2.)  Blind fold your man! You must blindfold your man!

3.)  Hide the grapefruit somewhere near the place you’re going to proceed to yk do the business

4.)  Normally proceed to blow your man

5.)  Slip the grapefruit on and slide it up and down your man’s shaft as you continue to orally stimulate him

6.)  Clean up time!! Grape fruits can get messy with all that juice squirting all over (so make sure you put down a towel—the importance of a towel cannot go unsaid—unless you’re having sex on a tile floor or somewhere you can easily hose off—but don’t do that it will hurt your knees.)

I know—maybe attaching a grapefruit to your man’s penis wasn’t exactly what you had planned —but is anything else working? Fruit is great, so why not attach some to your favorite boner? As Auntie Angel reports at the end of her video, your partner will end this wild sexual encounter thinking, “I could have been fucking a grapefruit all these years.”

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