The seventh and final season of NBC’s Parks and Recreation kicks off on Tuesday, January 13 – which means it’s time to party like you’ve just downed a large quantity of Snake Juice. So put on your MouseRat playlist, make yourself some waffles, and check out our definitive ranking of Pawnee’s finest.
16. Gary/Jerry/Larry/Terry Gergich – Damn it, Jerry. Remember when he had that fart attack?
15. Mark Brandanawicz – I almost forgot he was a person. Mark Brandanawicz was mean. And a snooze. A mean snooze.
14. Perd Hapley – This is a description describing the reason Perd Hapley is fourteenth on this list. (I hope you read that like Perd reads the news.) Plus, his fans are called Perd-verts, which makes me laugh uncontrollably because I am nine years old.
13. Ann Perkins – Oh, Ann. You naive, sophisticated newborn baby. There’s nothing really wrong with Ann, but she’s not terribly interesting, either. She has a pretty face and nice words and boyfriends. Her personality tends to parallel that of whomever she’s dating, but at least she acknowledges it, which gets her ahead of Perd and Mark.
12. Tammy 2 – She’s not a major character, but she’s too scary to leave off the list.
11. Craig Middlebrooks – Crazy Craig is our favorite Eagleton transplant. He’s a lot like a yippy chihuahua, but yippy chihuahuas are funny.
10. Jean-Ralphio – He dreams big and sings everything, plus he’s almost good at spitting rhymes.
9. Chris Traeger – Chris Traeger is literally the most enthusiastic person who never existed. Yay, endless positivity!
8. April Ludgate – April is awesome. Her sarcasm makes me feel all fuzzy inside. It’s just a testament to how great the top seven are that she’s this low on the list.
7. Tom Haverford – I’m so in love with all of Tom’s silly ideas, especially his abbrevs – my favorite meal at Commons is definitely chicky-chicky parm-parm.
6. Donna Meagle – Donna is one of the most severely underrated characters on this show. She tells it like it is, and she does it in a way that inspires you to treat yo’ self.
5. Andy Dwyer – If Craig is a crotchety chihuahua, Andy is a golden retriever puppy. I just want to play with him and laugh together and maybe snuggle.
4. Champion – Vying for the Most Underrated Award along with Donna. Certainly the best character on three legs. “Champion is a mutt. He’s half fantastic and half amazing.”
3. Ron Swanson – Ron is a man’s man. A woman’s man. An American’s American. Humanity would be so great if there were more Ron Swansons in the world.
2. Leslie Knope – Leslie is an inspiration to all of us. She’s hardworking, thoughtful, dedicated, generous, enthusiastic, driven, loyal, honest… pretty much perfect. Humanity would be great with more Ron Swansons, but it’d be even better with more Leslie Knopes.
1. Li’l Sebastian – We all can agree that this is what a world of Leslie Knopes would want.