As an ambitious and overachieving highschool student applying to universities, I wanted to go as far away as possible. I was bored of the familiarity of the city I grew up in and I despised the routine I had grown accustomed to. I had promised myself that I would not be staying in the same city I grew up in. So the minute I was able to, I moved across the country all by myself! What I didn’t realize was that it would be a lot harder than I thought. In the last year and a half since moving to Nova Scotia, I have learned many things. With the help of my friends and my own personal reflection, I’ve come up with some of the most important lessons I’ve learned thus far.
- It’s never too late to ask for help
As someone who is ridiculously stubborn, this is still something I am learning to do and accept. I find it extremely difficult to ask for help, from literally anyone, even for a simple task. I don’t know why but I feel such pride in not having to ask for help or be able to do everything on my own. I feel extremely vulnerable when asking for help, which may be part of the reason why I struggle with it. Nonetheless, we all need help every once in a while.
Oftentimes, because I refuse to ask for help, I make things 10 times more difficult for myself than they need to be or it takes me longer to complete certain tasks. My roommate Sharon constantly has to remind me that it’s okay to ask for help and she always says: “I can’t help you if you don’t ask for it.” When I was moving into my apartment this summer, which feels like forever ago, I fell off a stool trying to put a poster up on my wall and got a massive bruise that stayed for over a month. All because I refused to ask anyone for help. It may sound like a silly anecdote but it serves a purposeful reminder. Not only is it totally okay to ask for help, it’s also an important skill to develop.
- It’s okay not to be okay
Something I struggled with especially during my first year was adjusting to all the changes around me but also internally. I was adjusting to living on my own for the first time ever. I had moved to a brand new province and a new city. I was adjusting to the massive shift from high school to university and it felt like the whole world around me was spinning. There was so much going on and I just couldn’t catch my breath. On top of all of that, I had also just gone through my first break up just two months prior. I was actually falling apart and while it was completely normal to feel all of those things. I ignored how I was feeling and tried to push past all of that leaving me feeling extremely lonely and at times really depressed. It also affected my school work and I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted.
As the oldest daughter in my family and being an overachiever in high school, I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself to do well when I should have been taking care of my mental and physical health. Reflecting on that period of my life is often bittersweet but I’m proud of how far I’ve come since then. What I’ve learned is that you are more important than your school work. Your mental and physical well being should always be prioritized. Whether you fail a class, test, or assignment, life goes on.
- Go outside. No seriously, go outside.
Mother nature heals all. Whether you love the outdoors or despise the sight of dirt, you need to spend time outside. Getting a breath of fresh air or feeling the sun on your skin, can improve your mood tremendously and help you feel grounded. During my first year, I spent so many hours hiding inside my room feeling sad or stressed and all it did was make me feel worse. You are never too busy to take a walk outside or even go stand in the sun. If you’re already procrastinating schoolwork or tackling a pile of assignments, going outside for even five minutes can do wonders for your mental health. Oftentimes in the spring, I would walk to the Oakland park dock and lay in the sun in my winter coat basking in the sunlight despite freezing my butt off. It genuinely made me feel so much better and it got me outside for even just half an hour.
- No one is thinking about you as deeply as you think they are
I like to think humans are very self absorbed. We’re so obsessed with ourselves and others perceive us, so much so that it feels a little silly. How many times a day do you wonder what other people think of you? How you look? How you reacted to something? How often do you think about how you’re being perceived? At one point, I used to think about it a lot. Like an unhealthy amount. But the funny thing is, no one really cares that much about you. Unless they’re truly obsessed or in love with you (and as they should be, if this is the case), no one really is thinking about you as deeply as you think they are. That little voice in our heads is really just our insecurities talking. By listening to them, you’re letting your insecurities take over your life. Even if you were to ask someone what they thought of something you wore or said, they probably didn’t even notice! They were most likely thinking about themselves in the same way that you are. I promise you that even though this insecurity of being perceived by others may feel extremely heightened at times, it’s truly never that deep.
- Be yourself
This is likely the most cliche pieces of advice on this list but it also might be one of the most important. Pretending to be someone you’re not is a waste of time and energy. It only makes you feel worse about yourself and can lead you to surround yourself with the wrong people. Being vulnerable and honest about who you are is so daunting but one of the most freeing feelings I’ve ever experienced. I spent a lot of time in high school and in my first semester of university trying to fit in with people I actually didn’t like simply because I was afraid of not having any friends. Ironically, the moment I decided to stop pretending and chose to spend time on my own, I met my real friends. People who love and accept me as I am. I’m not saying being yourself isn’t hard because it definitely is at times, but it’s also so refreshing in a world where everyone looks and acts the same. Standing out in a crowd as an individual rather than following the crowd is so much for fulfilling because the things everyone else subscribes to are not going to sustain your happiness in the long run if you’re not actually interested in them.
- Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable
One of my high school teachers was constantly saying this phrase and it is one of the many pieces of advice I carry with me. We often choose to stay in our comfort zones rather than face the thought of feeling uncomfortable in a new situation. The problem with choosing comfort is that you’ll never grow or change. Putting yourself in new situations or talking to someone new can feel so scary at first, but eventually it gets easier and might even feel exciting! Changing your mindset to approach new things with a desire to learn and the intention of growing can lead to so many beautiful things. It has taught me that feeling slightly uncomfortable for a few moments is so worth it. It has brought me new friends and helped me discover so many things I would have never experienced if I had stayed in my comfort zone.
- Practice gratitude
This lesson is seriously underrated but so essential to my mental health. When you’re feeling down its easy to feel like everything is going wrong or feel like the world is against you. But even when you’re having a bad day, there’s always at least one good thing that happens. Whether you hear a funny joke, or see something that makes you smile to yourself, there is typically always at least one good thing that is bound to happen even when you feel awful on the inside. I’ve found that practicing gratitude has helped change my outlook on life, made me feel more present in my daily life but also less pessimistic. There are so many things in life to be grateful for. I know that probably sounds like it came from a self help book but it’s true. The best strategy I’ve found to help me practice gratitude is writing down what I’m grateful for. In my journal, I write a list of what I’m grateful for either at the end of the day before bed or immediately in the morning after I’ve woken up. Recently, I’ve been struggling to use/write in my own personal journal so instead I’ve been using the Five Minute Journal by Intelligent Change. The Five Minute Journal has prewritten prompts for both morning and night and I find it helps me actually stick to the habit. But you do not need a fancy journal to practice gratitude, this is just what has been working for me lately. Sticky notes, a piece of paper, or even using your notes app on your phone work great. Taking time to appreciate the blessings in our life really puts things into perspective.
- Try new things
Trying new things helped me step out of my comfort zone and meet new people despite how daunting it felt at first. Exploring clubs/groups, sports, and different hobbies help me realize what I’m interested in and what I’m not so interested in. While it may feel scary, most of the time you’re not alone and there is usually someone who also feels the same way. I’ve found bringing someone I know with me helps me to feel at ease or it can be a great way to get to know someone new! Some of my current hobbies were inspired by people I met through trying a new activity or they helped me become closer with some of the people I consider my best friends now. If no one you know is interested in trying something new, do it alone! It’s so important to be able to do activities on your own and have fun alone! It can also help build your confidence when trying something new. If you can do something alone, then you can encourage other people to try it and make friends along the way.