Confidence is something we spend our lives trying to find within ourselves. We spend so much time chasing a standard of beauty that we can miss out on the joys that are happening around us in the present moment. We’ve all heard that comparison is the killer of joy, but it is also the killer of confidence. I have certainly learned that the hard way, but I am forever thankful that it led to a change in perspective on self love – and what better way to celebrate that than to share my experience with you all.
Growing up, I was definitely the kid who tried to use self-deprecating humor to hide just how insecure I really was. I used to spend hours in the mirror pointing out everything I wanted to change: whether it was my hair, my eyebrows, the shape of my eyes, or even my own smile. I used to look around, wondering how everyone else seemed to have glowing confidence and why I didn’t feel the same way. This lasted throughout my adolescence – I nitpicked my features in the mirror, wishing I could change every little thing I wanted. I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb amongst my peers because I looked different than them. I kept wondering why I always wanted to change my features; I realize now that it was because no one taught me to love my own beauty and its differences. It wasn’t until later on in high school that I learned that lesson and, although I wish I had figured it out sooner, I am forever thankful that I finally did.
As time went on and I reached 12th grade, I found myself surrounded by the best friends I could’ve asked for and made sure to keep good energy in my life. My confidence began to bloom without me even noticing it. That’s when it hit me – I was finally surrounded by positivity and warmth. I began to open up and stopped hiding away my personality, which was the turning point for me. As I began university, I carried that new-found confidence everywhere I went and met such amazing people who surround me to this day. That’s the first lesson I learned – if you surround yourself with people who celebrate you rather than tear you down, it makes a huge difference in your perception of self.
However, it’s equally as important to remember that self confidence can’t solely be reliant on those around you; you have to look deep inside and work on your mental wellness, whether it be through hobbies, therapy, or whatever makes your soul feel that healing energy. Even though I was surrounded by amazing people, there was still a part of me that occasionally fell back into my old ways and it wasn’t until I found help for my mental health that I was able to overcome those negative thoughts.
When I look at pictures of my younger self, I wonder what I was so insecure about. I don’t understand why I wanted to change the features that I have grown to love today. I realized how harsh I was on myself, and how I don’t want to look back on my 20s and wonder the same thing. When we’re older, we’ll look back on our old photos and wish we had seen ourselves with much kinder eyes when instead, we could look back and know we lived life and loved ourselves to the fullest. Do things that make you happy: invest in hobbies you never make time for anymore, make the decision to live your life unapologetically – take care of your mind, your health, and nourish your soul with uplifting energy.
This journey takes a lot of time and hard work; it won’t happen overnight. A method I found helpful was the ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ philosophy. If you show up and act like your most confident self, eventually it’ll become second nature. It’ll become a part of you until you start thinking that way every day. It was the method I used in grade 12 when I started working on my confidence and if I had never begun with that first step, I wouldn’t have the capacity to share my experience as I do now. The first step is always the most important.
We are all on this Earth to experience human emotion and life – we need to start worrying less about the superficial and more on learning to enjoy life and the skin you’re in. So. go take a self-care day, start learning to appreciate who you are, and most importantly, be your authentic self. Then, what’s truly meant for you will find its way to you.