The Situationship
To the man who stole my heart for five years, you took it and ran.
You made me happy, sad and somedays angrier than a hornet’s nest. I always came back because I knew I could not stay mad forever. No longer is it the same song and dance. You played me and made me think I had a chance but what I had a chance with was your convenience. Let me paint you the picture-perfect, best friends and falling in love relationship over 1,825 days.
I was always the best friend that dropped it all, other plans with friends, family, even the occasional date that I would get the chance to go on for you. I was your late-night hangout. We would talk about your on-and-off girlfriend and how you hated how things were after drinking for hours. You made me feel like I was the only girl who could understand you and was the cool one for being so understanding about it all. But in reality, I was a hidden secret. All I was good for was late night conversations drowning in alcohol, we would never go out in public just to hang out, it was always hidden away in your house.
I did everything I could for you, not just giving up my time. I treated you like the man you deserved, and after you finally ended your toxic relationship, I was able to shoot my shot. We went out in public, dinners, golfing, movies, trips to Leavenworth and hanging out with our other mutual friends all the things I wanted to do with you for so long.
We talked about our feelings on and off for each other, but you never would give a straight answer, stupid me just stayed and let it play it for what it was, the convenient friendship with relationship tendencies to fill the lonesome void. I got you into one of my favorite sports that I hadn’t picked up in a long time. You got so hooked you were dragging me out every weekend and it was a blast all spring and summer long.
When it was time to head back to school, we were closer than ever until we weren’t.
You found someone else to fill your time with. But what about me, the one who knows the whole you? I’ve been here the whole time. I got so angry, so upset I felt like I was replaced, and the “friendship” was hanging by a strand. You thought I was crazy for thinking that I was ever a full-fledged relationship possibility. Move on you said, find someone you said. It is not that simple, nor is it that easy when you get so incredibly close to someone.
I cried two months too long about you. I let you take over my life. I let you take over my heart. I let you say nasty, hurtful things that made me lose your respect and trust. The friendship will never be the same nor will it be okay any time soon. I’m not mad, just disappointed. Disappointed in the way you made me believe that I meant the world to you, the way you made me feel like I was always going to be your person. I wish you could sit there and hurt the kind of knife-to-the-heart kind of hurt. The hurt where you cry at random thoughts of how it used to be in the happiest of times. I want you to feel that pain that you want to end so badly. I hope you are happy, I really do. You taught me how not to fall in love with a man like you.
With kind regards, Your Situationship.