The art of listening has been clouded by a slew of distractions. From phones to the screaming kid in the corner, our attention can be grabbed for instance by pure distraction. Thus, turning the conversation into a “are you even listening to me?” type of moment can go from a zero to a seven on the irritancy scale. But how do we take the simple task of listening and make it more of a priority? How do we fully listen to a person?
In a 2020 Forbes article, it stated that at a minimum we should all seek to become active listeners. Active listening is about choosing to be fully present in the conversation and fully focused on what the person is saying. This also involves a mindful choice not to give in to those distractions. Your phone, for instance, you just got a new text, an Instagram notification, or a new email. Answering those takes your eye contact with that person, taking you away from the conversation. Just because you glance up from time to time from your phone, does not mean you are “listening.” Part of promoting the art of listening is gently demanding the individual attention of others.
The formulation of a response, do you ever think of something in a split second and are just so tuned out because you are ready to make your point? This is a good temptation to avoid when it comes to listening. By formulating a response from an ongoing conversation, you are already taking away from what that person is trying to say. Research shows that people think a lot faster than people talk, so it is tempting to take mental side trips while listening. Instead, use the extra mental energy to read between the lines. Attempt to understand the meaning behind and in between the words
One study distinguishes between “listening to respond” and “listening to understand.” By using active listening, we are doing more than waiting for a chance to respond. We are present and focused on the person speaking. Deep listening takes active listening a step further and comes down to intent. It is one thing to be fully present to the other person. It is another thing to go the extra mile and seek to understand them truly. Deep listening springs from a desire to better understand a person and their situation by authentically connecting with them. When we begin to listen deeply, we do so without judgment or preconceived