Ah, death, the inevitable “Big Sleep”, permanent hibernation, many terms describe the moment when your heart stops pumping, and your neurons stop firing. While it can be a rather taboo and dark topic, I find the end of life very interesting. A circle finally becoming full is something to be celebrated, and while mourned as well, in retrospect, everything happens for a reason. So, in this article, I would like to discuss ways to take the edge off and celebrate the end of life in a less depressing way. Because it’s your funeral, and you can have fun if you want to.
While traditionally body disposal has stuck to methods such as burial and cremation, these approaches actually are incredibly bad for the environment, so if you have any sort of eco-conscious inside you, I recommend looking into alternatives. Most recently, Washington state (ayyyye) has legalized human composting! Very exciting! I don’t know about you, but the thought of turning my body into a tree on my favorite beach when I pass almost makes me excited to go. The process is still in its early stages of development, but many elderly and terminally ill patients have pledged their bodies to the research to make this a more accessible option. Since farmers have been decomposing livestock for years, Katrina Spade, the pioneer for this method has been working at WSU to study these methods and apply them to humans. Using a combination of moisture, wind, and wood chips, the natural decomposition process is expedited so that about 30 days after the family buries their loved one in a recomposing casket, they can return and collect the now nutrient-rich soil provided by the body buried there. While this method is still in developmental phases I have high hopes for it and yet again, personally cannot wait to be the soil for a wonderful tree.
If you happen to find yourself dead in Tibet, there is another unique opportunity that lies there for your final resting place, the inside of a vulture’s stomach! Your family members may not want to watch this one as closely, as the Buddhists of the region find this end to be one of good karma and a way to move on without being held back by your physical body. You’re brought to charnel grounds and left to the devices of the large birds, who gladly accept your body as that day’s meal. The people see this also as a way to give back to the earth what you took during life, meat. It sounds gruesome I know, but when thinking practically about the scarcity of wood and ground to bury in, vultures doing the bulk of the work for you really is a good option. A unique way to leave this earth, do good for the environment and hey, you won’t even feel being eaten so what’s the problem?
Finally, I’d like to discuss my personal preference when it comes to the funeral itself. While I would like to be composted as the final step, I do have the desire to go out in a dramatic way. So, for the actual funeral, possibly while the rest of me in composting, I would enjoy a Viking funeral. Take a leg, a foot, a hand, I don’t care, and throw it onto a small rowboat, push that puppy out onto the sea and hire a skilled archer to light me up from afar with a fiery arrow. Not the most eco-friendly way to go out but it’s better than a casket, and on a smaller scale than traditional cremation. A dramatic, yet elegant ending to a dramatic yet elegant lady.
I hope that these ideas have sparked some inspiration for you yourself to go out in a fun way. It’s 2020 ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary friends! Don’t get stuck with a normie funeral that our planet will hurt from, instead, start your planning now for the end of your life here on earth. Just remember, it’s your funeral! And you can have fun if you want to.