Trauma can happen in so many forms. A lot of people experience it in their childhood, some later into adulthood, and some people are fortunate enough to never have to experience any trauma. Trauma affects every single person differently, and it’s not fair to yourself to downplay your trauma because “someone else has it worse”. Your journey to cope happens at your own pace and that is okay. A big part of acceptance is anger. I felt very guilty whenever I got upset over these things. At times I wasn’t sure what I felt and sometimes I put the blame completely on myself. I want everyone to know it is NEVER your fault. It’s part of the steps to acceptance. The first step is denial, then anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Not every step takes the same amount of time, and it doesn’t always happen in that same order.
I was angry for a long time. I was angry at the person who caused my trauma and angry at the person who brought said person into my life. I was angry that I had become just another statistic. I was angry that I would have a panic attack at a random trigger and nobody around me understood. I was angry that someone completely changed my whole life and it was out of my control. Most of all, I was angry because I can no longer do some things that used to make me happy.
I stayed angry for a pretty long time. This was by far the longest stage in my journey. After talking to my therapist, I realized that it was okay to be angry. I was hurt and I deserved to be able to feel my emotions. However, even though it is okay to feel your anger, it is not okay to act on that anger. You are so much better than the person who hurt you and it isn’t worth it to continue the cycle and hurt someone else. Just remember that it will get better eventually. Some journeys take longer than others, but your healing will happen at your own pace.
Stay strong <3
HCXO