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Grudges: Learning How to Cope

It’s 2014, I’m about to graduate high school with all of my best friends by my side and I’ve never been happier. I look around at all of my peers and my best friends and I think to myself “we’ll all be friends forever, right? No matter where the road takes each of us. There’s no way that anything could tear us apart, we’re going to keep in touch even when some of us are away at college.” Well, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope.

The one thing that I’ve learned since graduating high school is that sometimes you can’t stay in touch with all of your friends. Whether you have a falling out, trouble staying in touch or those who just simply move on from high school relationships. It’s a hard lesson that all of us will learn, and sometimes it can be even harder to lose specific friends.

Spending 4 years apart from someone you were best friends with is a strange feeling, and the best way I can explain this is feeling “homesick.” No matter the reason for the falling out, it’s always hard on both partners in the friendship because it’s a heartbreak that you can’t really pinpoint. It’s different than a romantic relationship falling apart, it’s more like losing a sibling.

This year, it’s been priority for me to try and get in contact with friends who I had falling outs with, and let me tell you it is one of the hardest things I’ve even had to do. It’s hard to tear down the wall that’s been up for years just to avoid any contact with people who have hurt me in the past. But I’ve hit a point where I’m tired of the extra weight, and I’m tired of “missing” someone who I could easily just reach out to. I’m a Scorpio, so it’s easy for me to hold a gnarly grudge against anyone who has betrayed me, but I’m working on it.

Self care is all about knowing yourself and understanding what you need, if you had toxic friends who you had falling outs with don’t reach out to those ones, reach out to friends who you have a possibility of a relationship with. Reach out to friends who benefit you, who make you feel good and who know you for who you are. It’s easy to get caught up in life and forget about people who you don’t see very often, but that doesn’t mean we can’t reach out and try again.

The overall point of this, is just to let each and every one of you know that you are not alone. We all have people in our lives who have burned us, but if you can find it in yourself to forgive, you can feel at least a little bit better. I still don’t have my friend back, but at least I’m trying.

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