I’ve learned from the past few years that family may not always be there for you. The dynamics can be painful, messy, and unpredictable. I went from being the little kid that had relationships with her grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins, to being completely exiled, as Katelyn Richardson had never existed in the family. I ask myself these questions, why does family turn their back on others in times of need? Why do we give false hopes that we will be there for you? Why do we think badly of one another for helping others in times of need? Questions I probably will never get answers to, but deep down it’s something that bothers me not only myself but for the one family member that has stood by my side, my mom.
My family used to be the ones that we were constantly gathering. Whether it was a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary or just a summer get-together we were all together. I knew my cousins; we would have fun together at Grandma and Grandpa’s house on Wedgewood Ave from playing tetherball in the backyard to playing board games with the grandparents. We were in each other’s lives. Until we weren’t. My aunts and uncles always had special ways of connecting with us kids and would try to get to know us on an individual level. That quickly stopped. I now pay the price with my mom for what seems like will be the rest of our years.
It took a turn when Grandpa got sick. My grandpa was diagnosed with lymphoma that affected mostly the area around his heart which also resulted in other cancer around his body, not only that going on he started developing Alzheimer’s that took grandpa and left just a shell of him at times. A lot of my family resents my mom, myself and my grandma for reaching out to a care facility for my grandpa. It got to that his Alzheimer’s was getting more aggressive that it could not be put on the shoulders of my grandma as well as us. We had to make the difficult decision to place him in a memory care facility. Some of our family seemed to despise us for taking the reins and making that hard decision but I ask the question, where were you? You had the chance to help, you chose not to be there. You should be saying thank you, thank you for stepping in and helping when I couldn’t, thank you for taking time out of your life, to help better the last few years of his.
If things could not get worse after my grandpa lost his battle with Alzheimer’s, my dad’s health was continuing to decline. I felt like the only family I had to lean on was my mom and grandma. Everyone else could care less. What many people don’t know is that on my dad’s side of the family the only person I knew was my grandma, or what we will call ex-grandmother. That relationship is demolished as well. When dad passed away, I noticed the ones that came around were not family, they were friends, but they felt more like family than anything. They were there for emotional support, helping with funeral arrangements, phone calls, from big to small, showed up. I found myself in disgusting situations from being accused that I did not do enough while my dad was dying which led to almost a lawsuit if I ever spoke to them, family, right? Some chose to simply come up to me afterward and said “Sorry, got to go kid.” I can take a lot, but when things are done to my mom and she has no love and support from her brothers, sisters and mother-in-law after the death of her only love, that’s when it fuels the fire for me. Why can’t family be there in the ways that mean the most without having to do much?
This story is not meant to bash but only brings light to what many families go through: tumultuous relationships. We all are dealing with different family dynamics. But what we may miss is how to handle them the right way, without alienation, without insensitive comments, without hate. Take the time, communicate, and help to understand one another. I’m thankful for many friends, who have become more like family, more than my own family. Without you, I don’t know where I would be. I’m grateful, and I am thankful. This time, I’ll choose the water over the blood for now.