Every single break up has the same end: you were wrong.
Maybe you were the one committing the wrong or maybe you were wrong about the person with whom you thought you were in love with. Either way, your feelings were misguided, the person with whom you wanted a future with was not for you, and you are left alone, and well, basking in your “wrong-ness”.
It is in our human nature to want to be right. We have this desire to demonstrate and prove that we know best, that we are superior. However, sometimes being wrong can be a wonderful thing.
Let me share my story with you:
In August, I skipped back to campus, quite literally, and began my sophomore year. I was so excited to get another school year going at Catholic. But, if I was being honest, I was also excited to see the guy who I had fallen for in that classic summer fling setting. Let’s call him Ethan. I had learned that the military and long distance came hand in hand, but it could be the most beautiful type of relationship if you let it.
Coming off a hard break-up the previous February, I watched as, let’s call him Cameron, left me for the ”other girl.” They settled down and got serious while I was alone. But something wonderful happened at the end of that spring and it turned into a very interesting summer.
Anyone who knows me knows that I like to plan. I plan what I wear, I plan my schedule, I plan where I want to be in several years time: I plan. I think I have it all figured out, and that everything will fall into place perfectly. But I was wrong. Some of my best moments in life were not planned.
This summer I was supposed to work for a Senator, and leave boys behind.
Instead, I was on a boat in the middle of Boston Harbor falling for a stranger. I was all over the place and never stopping for too long to look around. With country music playing, a picturesque backdrop, and one beautiful boy, it was only natural for me to fall and fall fast. It was intense and every moment left me at a loss for words.
Naturally summer came to an end, and the nature of that relationship changed so I said goodbye to Ethan. While that sounds like I am an independent girl who had it together, I was the farthest thing from it. There were plenty of breakdown moments brought to you by some Taylor Swift mood music. And yes, you bet your ass I played “Wildest Dreams” about a thousand times.
Flash forward to the middle of Fall:
Beep! My snapchat updates, and for six seconds I am witnessing Cameron settled down with his new girlfriend.
They look happy, and in love. I feel an immediate ping in my heart. I want that. I wanted that with Ethan. Why do I not have that? Why did I screw up my own situation? I became the crazy girl that I swore I’d never be.
Was I sad because this snapchat made me miss Cameron? No. That was not the relationship I wanted—one founded on dishonesty. Time showed that Cameron and I were actually just meant to be friends, and I am thankful for our friendship every day.
I was sad because at one time, I thought I wanted a future with Cameron and it scared me how wrong I could be about my own life.
It scared me that plans don’t always workout the way you want them to.
I was wrong about Cameron, and despite every previous notion I had, I was also wrong about Ethan, and that stung my pride.
But then, I had an epiphany. Whether it was the summer fling with Ethan that I was holding out hope for in another place at another time, desperately needing to get the hell over, or those friendships which one clings too even when they have run their course, I realized:
Just because I once wanted it, doesn’t mean it’s right for my future.
I cannot predict where I am going to be five years from now. And even if I could, I don’t want to be right. I want my life to be like my summer on the boat with Ethan; totally new, exciting, happy, filled with love and laughter, nerves and jitters; one that leaves you full of hope. Those types of moments you play back and want relive over and over.
Like I said, its in our nature to want to be right, to feel as though we know best; to plan everything. However, the truth is we are never right the first go-around. If we got it right the first time, life would be uninspiring, boring, and monotonous. There’s a famous cliché that reads, ”Life happens while you’re busy making plans. “ So instead of planning, let it happen. Embrace those moments where you’re wrong and a better person because of it.
While I do not have some famous, cure-all method for getting over a breakup, or even a concrete end to this epiphany, I do know one thing: I have never been more thankful to be wrong, it led to some of the best things that have ever happened to me.