College has many ups and downs, twists and turns, and thrill-seeking moments. Unfortunately, that all takes a wild ride when it comes to having anxiety. Let’s say that college has been one of the wildest rides that I’ve been on. Come on this journey with me as I take you into the world of the craziest roller coaster: college.
First up Orientation, most can look back on this time and be happy, but my story is a little different. My orientation time was the scariest as my typical Anxiety Ghost had so many thoughts running through my brain about becoming the world’s biggest screw-up in college. Asking me questions like, “Are you saying something weird? Are they judging you?” Etc. The best phrase of all is “Next Panic now!” Anxiety tells you that it is time to worry and think of everything that you’ve ever done. What was meant to be a fun four days turned into a game of when my anxiety would pop out and ruin the day—the days filled with many icebreaker questions and getting to know each other through fun games. While others had fun, I questioned myself and wondered how everyone perceived me. I met friends occasionally but couldn’t be bothered to learn more about them; instead, about what they thought of me as a weird girl. The fun events slowly became less anxiety inducing and more of a level that I could call entertaining. Orientation has shown me that I can overcome the little things related to my anxiety inducing fears.
Next up, we’ve reached the procrastination showdown on the first assignments in the college. The long struggle of procrastination doesn’t end when you get to college, even when you “prep” yourself. Anxiety changes that whole story when a deadline comes into the mix. One thing that I have learned is that procrastination and anxiety have a love-hate relationship. Consider the struggles of not being organized enough because your brain tells you that things aren’t going right. The possibility of failure is always on your mind until you hit submit on the assignment, letting it go from your existence. Imagine having a panic attack on the floor at 10 pm with an 11:59 deadline all because you waited till the last minute. Procrastination turns you into your worst enemy, making you choose to hang out with friends because you don’t feel like tackling an obstacle. This has since changed the moment I realized that support is needed for you to become organized if you can’t do it on your own. The last thing I will say is that your brain is playing tricks on you until the deadline sneaks up, causing you to worry so much. I am still learning to combat this, but I have three years to figure it out.
Last, we got to the end of the ride, which highlights the social life journey. My anxiety in the beginning made it hard to make friends, but with the help of my roommate, I was able to see that it was easy. The door should be open a bit towards the beginning to meet new people and put yourself out there. My anxiety was determined to hold me back, but I grabbed the reins of my social life. The only downside is that I still am scared to do certain things by myself and need a little reassurance here and there. The social aspect is still being explored at my school but I’m determined to learn more and not let my struggles get in the way. I have joined clubs even though making the first move can be difficult when it comes to putting my interests first. I have to let my Anxiety Ghost know that I am in control or they think that my life is theirs to run.
College is a rollercoaster of experiences, and anxiety can make the ride a bit more thrilling than I’d like. However, it’s important to remember that I am not alone in this adventure and have many there for me. It is okay to ask for support from many sources around the campus and back home. After all, the wild ride of college wouldn’t be the same without anxiety as my unexpected and often unwelcome companion.