College is an incredibly formative time for transitioning into adulthood from your childhood and teen years. Personal ideals, goals, and outlooks can all change as you experience life outside of the comfort of home and encounter new situations and people. I hadn’t realized how much I’ve changed until this year when I began reflecting on the past three years of my undergraduate experience. In high school, I felt a constant pressure to compare myself to others and what my life should be like in order to be doing it “right”. I had to really focus on shifting my mindset around myself and relationships, as well as my general outlook, in order to improve my general wellbeing during college. If I could go back and speak to my freshman year self, these would be some of the lessons I would share :)
- You control your reaction to other people’s actions, not the other way around.
For a large part of my life, I often felt like my emotions were out of my control and struggled with letting others’ actions negatively affect me. Arguments or hurtful encounters would ruin my mood for the rest of the day (or even week). I felt as though I could have done something differently in order for a person to treat me better, which isn’t a healthy mindset. I’ve learned that, at the end of the day, we cannot control other people or their actions. I can only focus on being a kind human, and hoping others do the same, and not taking it personally if they aren’t.
- It is OK to enjoy time alone.
It took me a long time to acknowledge my “social battery” and realize how much it was playing a role in my life. Living in a shared space for the first three years of college was so fun, but it also made me feel drained since I was not good about taking time for myself. I suffer majorly from FOMO (fear of missing out) and felt that if I didn’t participate in all social activities within my friend group, I would lose those relationships. However, this is not the case if they are good friends! I have gotten a lot better at setting boundaries, and just saying “no” when I am not feeling very social. Spending a night doing activities I like, listening to music, or just watching TV can make me feel so much more energized for different aspects of life, both socially and in the classroom.
- There is no correct way to have the “best” college experience.
I always envisioned myself having the stereotypical college experience. When I felt like I was falling short of this benchmark, I would take it as a personal character flaw and that there was just something wrong with me. It’s easy to compare myself to others, especially on social media, where you are often getting the best moments of people’s lives. Talking to different people about their college experiences has helped a lot with breaking this mindset because everyone’s experiences are different. There is no “right” way to do college, and I have learned to frame it as striving for the experience that is best for me, which might not always match the ideal vision society portrays.
- You do not need a romantic partner to be whole.
Similar to number three, I feel as though there is a lot of pressure to pursue romantic relationships in college and to be pursued by someone, which is not always the case for everyone. Add in dating apps, hookup culture, and general stress from college, and it can become a draining process to put yourself out there. Views around being single can be somewhat negative at times, as though romantic relationships are necessary in order to be truly content. I have come to appreciate being single so much in college, as it has given me space to prioritize close friendships, time alone, and acceptance of myself! I have faith that a guy I connect with will come when the time is right, but for now, I am content with the flexibility that comes with not being in a serious relationship.
- You can’t change the past, and can’t predict the future.
This lesson has been especially applicable to my senior year, as the question of “what are you doing next year,” has become more and more common. As I discussed in another article I wrote, I have tended to be somewhat pessimistic about the future and focus on what can go wrong, rather than all the things that can go right. But, I have made a lot of effort to focus on positive things that will be possible in the future, like trips I want to take, finding a job I am passionate about, and so much more! In terms of looking back in the past, it can be tempting to replay my college experience and think of all the things I could have done differently. However, there is nothing I can do to change what has happened and the choices I have made, and I wouldn’t have grown into the person I currently am without things occurring the way they did!
Despite learning these lessons, I can still struggle with remembering them when challenges occur. Growth is not a static concept, and it is a lifelong process for everyone because there are always ways to improve! I am grateful for what I have learned in these past four years and the bumps in the road that pushed me out of my comfort zone.