Phase 1: Skepticism
Upon arriving in Cancun you and your friends rush to the beach to start drinking. One look around and it seems like you might be at a middle school rave, or maybe Dayglow. More time spent drinking and you befriend the DJ, next thing you know he’s telling you his entire life story: that he attended Catholic and migrated to Mexico after getting kicked out of fifth floor Flather.His age is unclear and his skin may or may not be made of leather.
Phase 2: Excitement
Pina Colada’s are your new favorite drink. You love everyone, you’re meeting people left and right and they’re all your new best friends. Did someone say body shots?
“I love Cancun, I love drinking. What’s your name? Would you like to see a picture of my dog?”
Phase 3: Confusion
You have no idea what day it is and waking up this morning felt like actual reincarnation. You smell vaguely of vomit, but feel better when you see that you’re late night texts weren’t too scandalous… they were only passionate messages in your groupchat about the taco stand outside the club.
Phase 4: Loss of Identity
Your skin is so dark and peeling so extensively that you wonder if you have become a reptile. You tell your friends that you won’t drink today, but somehow they convince you to spend $600 on a section at the day party to bounce on mattresses. The DJ has learned your name, you go on stage with him but you’re too drunk to actually engage with the audience so you panic and run away instead.
You wake up hours later covered in foam, throw up, and decide to go to the club. You have no money left so you tell the 40 year old Mexican worker at the taco stand that you’ll give him your student ID in exchange for free tacos. You may have kissed him, nothing is certain at this point.
Phase 5: Depression
You have lost all motor function. You try to stand when you wake up, but fall agreesively to the floor tangled in your sheets instead. You are so severly dehydrated that your hands are cramping. You can’t even clutch a water bottle so your friends have to pour the water into your mouth for you. You have flashbacks to infancy. Your flight leaves in two hours and you have lost multiple pairs of shoes, you walk through the pool area and come across a random pair of flip flops, you claim them as your own.
You may have applied for Mexican citizenship last night when you realized you have to go back to school.