As a hopeless romantic, I tend to give people more chances than they deserve and as a result have the tendency to get my feelings hurt. I have cried over boys one too many times. So after my latest boy drama, I realized this has been my most unlucky year in the dating world ever. Ranging from emotionally unavailable men to straight up rejection, I feel like I’ve been through it all. The amount of times I’ve caught feelings for someone only to get ghosted in the most hurtful way possible is shocking. After recapping this year, I have decided to give up on dating, at least for now.
I started my year talking to a guy who convinced me he wanted to date when we got back from Christmas break. We FaceTimed for hours a day, and I was crazy about this kid. My whole family even knew him. When we finally did go back to school, he then proceeded to take me on a date February 13th, where he refused to kiss me goodbye, and then tell me on Valentine’s Day he thought he was more interested in men than women and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. This was one of the most painful experiences I’ve had with a man, because I knew no matter what I did I couldn’t change his mind.
This summer, after recovering from the sexuality dilemma I dealt with in February, I worked as a camp counselor in New Hampshire and, once again, fell for a boy. He was another counselor, and I lived my summer love fantasies with him. We sneakily held hands while walking kids to dinner, made each other tea, and shared blankets by the campfire. I remember sobbing on the last day of camp in front of kids, parents, and my boss because I would miss him so much. So, it probably comes as no surprise that as soon as I went back to Boulder for school he stopped talking to me and I basically had to end things with him because he dropped off the face of the Earth.
Then, attempting to forget about the boy from camp, I started hanging out with a new boy. He made me feel special and I figured that because he lived near me and wasn’t interested in men it would work out between us. He told me he didn’t want a relationship and I made the stupid mistake of convincing myself I could change his mind. After a month of delusions, and him not even wishing me a happy birthday, I decided to end things with him because we wanted different things. He is the only boy I’ve liked from 2021 I still respect because he communicated and never actively tried to hurt me. Maybe we can be friends in the future because I still run into him on campus regularly.
The one boy I didn’t cry over this year was a boy I went on one date with and decided I wasn’t romantically interested in. I told him I would prefer to be his friend. We still talk regularly and it’s strictly platonic (at least for me). He is one of the few friends I have who actually cares about what’s happening in my life and checks in on me regularly, so thankfully things somewhat worked out in this situation. I just feel guilty for friendzoning someone who, if I was romantically attracted to, would be the man I’m looking for.
Finally, in the past week I have had not one, but two boys send me paragraphs about how they care about me and respect me and don’t want to hurt me, but are not ready for a relationship. I don’t know either of them well enough to even be ready to date them, but this was my last straw. At this point, I am manifesting that no man ever looks at me again, much less leads me on, ghosts me, rejects me, or comes out as gay. This neverending rejection and disappointment makes me envy other people who seem to have their romantic lives together. Dating is hard in college, especially in a generation where feelings and attachment are seen as a flaw, but for some reason I feel like I attract bad luck. So, I am vowing to boycott dating. I vow to stop sending goodnight texts, buying their favorite snacks, and making plans. This is the beginning of my Megan Thee Stallion era, and I am so excited to fully invest in myself.