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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CU Boulder chapter.

Unfortunately, I’m one of the least nonchalant people you’ll ever meet. I care a great deal about everything in my life. My relationships, goals, plans, how my future will look, how I interact with people, how people interact with me,  about how I am perceived…I care deeply about all of it. I give everything my all and I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been sensitive and easily affected by small things. I cared about why my sister didn’t want to play with Cinderella while I played with Snow White and whether my friends wanted to play with me. I took to heart the jokes that were meant to poke fun at me and I’dd always overthink what I said to someone and their perception of me. As much as I’ld love to say that I’ve outgrown that—I’d be lying. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to appreciate this sensitive side. I believe that my heightened empathy and sensitivity comes from my high level of emotional intelligence, the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you. There are five key elements to EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. With high emotional intelligence you can’t manage other people’s behaviors or actions, but you possess a larger capacity to identify the motivators and emotions behind their actions. High emotional intelligence overlaps with strong interpersonal skills (mainly communication and conflict management) and leads to high levels of self-awareness. In turn, you can understand what they mean to do and why they are the way they are. 

Possessing a high level of emotional intelligence is a double-edged sword. On  one hand, I gain a deeper understanding and perception of people’s motivations and emotional intentions, so my emotional intelligence makes me a valuable friend and family member. However, on the other hand, I’m hyper-aware of how I’m perceived by other people. Without meaning to, I analyze other people’s actions, body language, tone, words, and where conversations are leading to, helping me to best grasp the situation. 

Let’s say that I’m in a one-on-one conversation with someone. If we’re having a pleasant conversation, and then all of a sudden, they begin to do small things like shorten their sentences or look elsewhere—I analyze what I’ve said to try and understand where the downtick in attitude began. It may be minor, and they might’ve not even consciously changed, and it may really just not be that serious, but I catalog it nonetheless. Even if nothing inherently went wrong, I’m desperate to make sure that I’m still on good terms with whomever I’m talking to. Everything I say is immediately registered and replayed in my head, as I understand and try to predict how our conversation will go. It’s exhausting to constantly be monitoring and replaying, not just my emotions, but everyone else’s as well. 

In larger group settings, I analyze how other people are interacting with one another: stolen glances, sly comments, eye contact, hand placements, who’s talking to who the most, body language, and overall mood. I evaluate on autopilot, something I don’t mean to do all the time. The odd thing is that I’ve never been conditioned or taught to observe this way—it’s just my innate sense to acknowledge and recognize other people as a whole. Not only do I understand the “why” in almost every person I meet, butI also want to understand the “why” in every person I meet. 

I always say that “it’s really just not that serious” to my friends and family—which is ironic because, to me, it sometimes is that serious. Since I’ve come to college and had a fresh start, I’ve been trying to shift my sensitive mindset into a stronger, more confident mindset where I give fewer f*cks about what other people are thinking or doing and shifting the focus more onto what I’m doing. I’ve gotten better, but I’m nowhere near perfect. 

I’m still trying everyday to not care about how I look, how I sound, or how I’m being perceived. It’s a tough thing to leave behind, but it’s a part of who I am.

Lachlan is a second-year student at CU Boulder double-majoring in Psychology and Strategic Communication with a minor in Journalism. In HCCU, she hopes to find a new passion and to expand her creativity. She's very passionate about anything food/coffee related, feminism, discussing social media, and mental health. Lachlan is a member of the Her Campus Chapter at CU Boulder this 24-25 academic school year. This is her second year being a part of Her Campus. Along with being a writer, she is also on the social team, working with a team of fellow writers to create posts for the HCCU Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, and VSCO. Outside of writing and school, she loves to cook, read romance books, listen to new music, stalk her Spotify Daylist, and explore new restaurants and coffee shops. Lachlan hopes of opening her own coffee shop one day. You can usually find her either watching the same 3 rom-coms on rotation or scrolling through Pinterest. She is currently obsessed with Sex and the City and iced honey cinnamon lattes. Her current favorite artists are The Fray, Kali Uchis, Doja Cat, Sabrina Carpenter, The Marias, Ashe, Frank Ocean, and Gracie Abrams.